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From our Team to yours, we hope that you are enjoying the Holidays with your loved ones near and far. If you’ve had a little too much excitement, step back and do some light reading. We hope that you gain some space and perspective from The Point Blog’s most viewed posts of 2023.
Ahhh, the Holidays. It’s the most wonderful time of the year, or is it? It can also be a pretty stressful time of the year with work, end of the year class celebrations, Church Christmas plays, basketball practice, moving the elf, wrapping gifts, extra cooking, Christmas parties, new family dynamics ad infinitum. With all the hustle and bustle, it never seems like there is quite enough time or space to pack it all in. Our 2023 Theme: An Abundance of Space feels out of reach some days depending on my perspective.
Enter the flu… God knows exactly what you need when you need it, although I am not always ready and willing to accept the circumstance. My bouncy little boy was down for the count last week, and it gave me some “space” to slow down and really settle into my body. All the Holiday stress that I had been shoving down was able to rise to the surface and instead of distracting myself with busyness, I had to actually feel what I had been numbing with all the activities.
It turns out that when I slow down, there is more room for creative energy and thoughts to flow. I got married in October, and we want to start new traditions for our family. Being trapped (did I say trapped?) in the house for a week gave me the abundance of space that I needed to think about what some of those traditions might become. We have decided that this year we are going to have a Birthday party for Jesus on Christmas Eve instead of opening any gifts and really lean into our reason for the season.
I am also learning to take up space and say no to things that don’t support my values. When I say yes to something, I am saying no to something else. Being the people pleaser that I am, this is easier said than done, but nonetheless I am practicing and there is growth occurring. Since joining the Horizon Point Team, the ladies have helped me to learn that it is essential for your well-being to create room for the people and things that matter the most.
On November 15th of this year, Mary Ila was asked to speak on Character and fostering workplace ethics at the BBB Torch Awards. Her topic was inspired by our Horizon Point book of the year named Hidden Potential by Adam Grant. Mary Ila wasn’t able to attend, but Jillian showed up and presented in her place. We hope that you enjoy this special treat from this year’s event.
Thank you for the opportunity to be here today. The BBB team across North Alabama does a tremendous job in fostering workplace ethics and we are happy to be a part of the organization as members, as Taylor, one of team members serves on the board, and for the chance to spend a few minutes talking with you today.
Robin asked me to speak to the first criteria of the Torch Award application- Character.
The question in the application states: “As CEO, President, Owner or Executive Director your leadership character sets the tone for your entire organization. As a leader, explain how you behave intentionally and communicate with your leadership team, employees, customers and stakeholders in a way that is consistent with your beliefs.”
When we at Horizon Point have applied for the Torch Award before, I haven’t felt qualified to answer this question on my behalf, my team has answered it. And today is no different. In my quest to try to leave you here feeling energized about character, I asked them all what they thought.
And each one of them were spot on in living into one of our values- continuous learning and improvement- to breathe into our individual and collective learning about character. I’d like to use that learning to challenge your assumptions. And that is that character is not a static trait; it is a process that must be practiced.
In Adam Grant’s new book Hidden Potential, he describes what makes up culture. He says, “In organizational psychology, culture has three elements: practices, values, and underlying assumptions. Practices are the daily routines (I would call them behaviors) that reflect and reinforce our values. Values are shared principles around what’s important and desirable- what should be rewarded versus what should be punished. Underlying assumptions are deeply held, often taken-for-granted beliefs about how the world works. Our assumptions shape our values which in turn drive our practices.”
When we talk about the most desirable leadership traits we often cover practices and values, but we often neglect to understand or even see our assumptions and assumptions are the base of the pyramid. The base impacts our thinking, feelings, and behavior at all other levels.
And at the base of our pyramid on character, two assumptions largely define, at least in America, how we frame the character:
One: Character is innate. It is a fixed characteristic. You are born with it or you aren’t. Putting this another way, character is a will issue not a skill issue. We talk about skill and will alot in the work we do and often say, hire for will (because it is static, innate, not changing) and train for skill (because it can be learned and people can acquire and grow in skills), but what if character is a skill? What if it is malleable and we can learn and grow at it? This is a key premise of Grant’s book that he backs up with a lot of research.
Two: We assume and behave like character is binary. You are either right or wrong. If you are acting with character, you can put a label of “right” to it. If you are acting contrary to character you are “wrong” and it is easy to identify and label it. You know it when you see it. But what if character lives in the gray? What if at one time one behavior in one situation is acting with character, and in another set of circumstances that same behavior demonstrates the absence of character?
This isn’t fun thinking because our brains want us to simplify things. Right or wrong is much easier, it takes less energy to sort through. But exercising anything requires energy and practicing the assumption that character is a skill that must be actively practiced takes energy. Sometimes a whole lot of energy.
As Brene Brown says in her book Dare to Lead, “the mark of a wild heart is living out these paradoxes in our lives and not giving into the either or BS. It’s showing up in our vulnerability AND courage and above all else, being both fierce AND kind.”
Character lives in:
Showing grace AND holding people accountable
Leading AND following
Deciding AND seeking input.
In choosing to show up AND choosing not to.
It’s not about choosing one thing that on the surface seems on the opposite end of a spectrum, it’s about choosing to embrace and live out both all at once through the lens of our values.
Of the paradoxes I find hardest to navigate in this season of my life, it is showing up AND not. I live in the space of such privilege that I have an endless amount of choices on how to spend my time. You see, anytime you or I decide to show up for something or someone we are also making the choice to not show up for a million other things. I’m in the season now of leading a team and a business while also leading, along with my husband, three children ages almost thirteen to four. Embracing this AND is my biggest challenge and also my greatest opportunity to grow in character by actively practicing the skill.
For example, our middle child- the cream of our cookie as she likes to call herself- is the greatest guilt tripper on the planet and she likes to lay it on THICK. I think this guilt tripping comes from the guilt tripping she does to herself more than anyone else. This is the child that has won the student of the month for initiative and/or leadership since Pre-K and she thinks she needs to be and do all for everyone in order to lean into who she is. And she expects others around her to do the same. But she can take this too far. She is her mother. Bless her.
She wants me to be at EVERYTHING, participating in everything at school, like she sees many of her friend’s mom’s doing. Earlier in my life, when I made most of my parenting mistakes with my first born- bless his soul, I hope he forgives me one day- I would have felt like it was a character flaw within me to miss something he wanted me to attend. And if my oldest had laid a guilt trip on me at age nine because I was missing something because of work, I probably would have said something along the lines of, “Your daddy and I work to put food on the table and a roof over your head. Quit complaining! I can’t be at everything!” I would have taken my guilt and turned it into shame for him.
But as I’m learning and growing I’m trying to flex and grow the muscle of character and realizing that sometimes I need to show up for my kids AND sometimes I need to show up for someone else. And that by actually showing up for someone else sometimes, I’m really showing up for my kids too.
I missed the cream of the cookie’s annual soccer tournament between 4th grade classes because our work team was on a retreat to celebrate many things- a birthday, a work anniversary, a marriage, and a great year as a company. I intentionally decided to do that (even though she did lay the guilt on thick) and used it as an opportunity to talk with her about living in the AND in the best way I knew how. Instead of getting defensive, I communicated, explained and hopefully conveyed that she is important, but the world does not revolve around her (a lesson many of us still need to learn) and that my team at work was important too. I tried to teach her and remind myself of the value of People First, our first value at Horizon Point and in my life, by having a conversation with her. I tried to remind her (and me) that there is no way for her to be everything for everyone at all times and to also ask her questions about why she might be upset about why I can or can’t attend something.
I’ll be at her annual Turkey Bowl game and have said no to half a dozen other appointments in order to be there. She’s the co-captain of her class’ football team and I hope she leads them with a People First mindset.
In thinking about this, how many of you really didn’t want to show up to this today? It’s okay, you can raise your hands, I won’t be offended. Whether you were willing to admit it or not, the choice you made to show up today could be based on a variety of factors. But I hope your decision to show up here AND not show up somewhere else was done with intent. And based on your values. Your beliefs.
In a world where a lot of us grit and bare our way through life and we don’t stop to think about why and what to show up for, I think character can be found in sometimes showing up AND sometimes not. And in flexing the muscle to think it through. Only you can answer whether or not showing up to this luncheon today was the leaderful thing to do based on your commitment to character. Coming here may have been an escape or an excuse from what you really needed to do. And trust me, I am seeing that a ton right now in the leadership and executive coaching and training we do. Leaders not showing up to do the hard things. I think this largely stems from being uncomfortable with embracing AND. You know, as Brene Brown said, the “kind AND fierce” kind of AND.
Coming here may have been the very best possible thing that you could do on a Wednesday at lunch for fostering workplace ethics. Only you can decide, but I hope you do discern it through your values. And that you are constantly challenging your assumptions.
In the words of Maya Angelou, “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”
I don’t know what you have next on your agenda for today. Maybe it is having a difficult conversation you’ve been dreading, or avoiding it. Maybe it is picking up your kids from school or visiting an ailing parent. Maybe it’s going home and taking a nap or going to the gym. Any number of these things could be the next right thing you can and should do to build your character. Whatever you decide to do for the rest of the day, I hope you choose to behave in a way that grows you in your skill of character. And yall, sometimes that truly is taking a nap. It’s a lot harder to practice character when you are tired or burned out.
The beauty of growing in your character skills is that through your modeling and influence you will help others flex their muscles to grow in character skills as well, and that’s what leadership is all about.
At Horizon Point we are big on giving. We give throughout the year to causes that are near and dear to our hearts, we give our clients a Book of the Year at the holidays, we adopt a family for Christmas, and we give to each other – our time, our gratitude, and of course, gifts. Some of our favorite gifts have come from each other, and we always try to personalize our gifts, both for the occasion and the individual. One way we are able to do this is through the help of a Favorite Things questionnaire that we have each completed.
Jillian
Gifts are not my love language. Or at least…they weren’t. I’ve always been a Quality Time and Words of Affirmation girl, both in my personal and professional lives. When our team studied the 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace, I was also dating a big Gift guy. I had one of those Aha! moments when you realize it’s not all about you; that people show appreciation or love in ways that are meaningful to them, and that’s the part that matters. I’ve grown to truly appreciate Gifts because of what they mean to the giver. I’ve also been so fortunate that the Gift givers in my life are so thoughtful and intentional when they consider the type of Gift that I would appreciate – often gifting experiences like a gift card to a bakery I’ve been wanting to try, or a bag of locally roasted coffee they thought I’d like. Just today, I received a beautiful piece of art by one of my favorite Alabama artists, and I could just burst with the warm-and-fuzzies. So…are Gifts my love language now?! I married that Gift guy, so as the magic 8-ball says, “signs point to yes”!
Taylor
Finding a gift for a friend or family member is one of my favorite things to do. I love to find something that “fits” the person I’m gifting. I have a lovely aunt who has always been the best gift giver because she shops with the mission of finding something that is just right for whoever she is shopping for. As a little girl, I remember getting a glitter baton and a manicure set from her. For me personally, it truly is about the thought. With that being said, the top of my list of gifts I’ve received includes anything thoughtful. Recently at Christmas lunch with friends, I received earrings that were perfect & my sweet friend said she thought of me when she saw them. She also included a massage gift certificate; she knows me well.
Lorrie
Growing up my dad would save his change all year in one of those big water jugs and each December he would give it to me and my brother to buy gifts for our family members. We would spend hours rolling it and my mom would take us to the bank to cash it in and go shopping. We would spend all day looking for the perfect gift for each person on our list. It was a tradition that we kept well into our late teens. Through that tradition, I gained an appreciation not just for the gifts I receive, but for the thought that I know must have gone into each one. Each year for Christmas my dad buys me tools…yep, tools! And I’m not sure who is more excited, me to get them or him to give them to me. You see I grew up helping my dad build and remodel houses and now I enjoy restoring old furniture. Today at lunch with friends, I was surprised with another great gift – a book on how to build tiny houses and a gift card for Airbnb. This year I decided that I want to design and build a tiny house with my dad in the next few years and so I’ve started researching ideas. Part of that research is finding tiny homes on Airbnb and making weekend trips out of going and checking them out. My friend knows how important this goal is to me and her gift was perfect. Not only because it was given with thought and caring, but also because it was a sign to me that she believes in my ability to make this goal a reality.
As we head into the holiday season, how can you personalize your gift giving?
It’s Sunday afternoon as I sit at my computer and plan for the week ahead. I’ve been working from home for almost a decade now. My boundaries and rules have certainly changed over the past several years. As with most things, experience is the only way to do something well. This week, I’m sharing my top tips for setting boundaries around successfully working from home.
When I came on board with HPC, it was way before Covid, and remote work was not super common, so I discovered what worked and didn’t work through trial and error. During those early days, my children were in grade school & it was ideal for me to work when the house was quiet, so I did that. But I also constantly checked email and it wasn’t uncommon for me to work well into the night, even on the weekend. This was a huge shift for me, coming from a typical 8 to 5 role. No one was asking or expecting me to be available 24-7. My natural helper, people pleasing personality dictated my schedule those days.
With several remote working years under my belt now, I feel so much more comfortable with the flexible schedule I can create every week. Here are three ways I set boundaries and rules to successfully work from home:
I create a list, several (actually). At the end of each week, I create a daily list for the next week. Prioritizing 3 things that I need to accomplish each day works best. The daily list includes work responsibilities, but I also include personal responsibilities. For example, some form of exercise (ideally taking a walk outdoors) is on there most days, weather permitting.
I plan deep work early in the day and early in my week. I do my best to protect my Fridays. I make sure the most important tasks and meetings happen early in the week and day if possible. I recommend checking out the book, When: The Scientific Secrets of Perfect Timing, which helped me discover the time of day that I’m most productive.
Time blocking is so very helpful. Within my list(s), I often estimate how long I plan to work on each project or task. I often add these “time blocks” to my calendar to remind myself as well as to share with my coworkers what I have planned or the day and week. You can read more about time blocking in this article from Lifehack.org – How to Start Time Blocking to Get More Done.
Are you and or your team working remotely? What are your tips?
Here are a few more articles from The Point Blog you might want to check out:
