“Employees don’t quit their job, they quit their manager.” How many times have you heard that phrase? Have you ever identified so much with it, thinking its origin may in fact be you for how well it resonates with your experiences? Well, I have.
I worked with a large company for almost 3 years, holding 2 different jobs within that time, searching for a position that would maintain my attention and highlight my skills coupled with a manager who would invest in me as both an employee and a person. In those 3 years, I found neither of those things and they were the longest 3 years of my life. I was continuously in a state of #OpentoWork, applying for positions well under my skill and experience level simply to be taken out of the toxicity that was my daily 9 – 5. But let’s unpack the situation further.
I was continuously in a state of #OpentoWork, applying for positions well under my skill and experience level simply to be taken out of the toxicity that was my daily 9 – 5.
My first position with this company looked amazing on paper. The interviews highlighted efforts and initiatives that drew on my favorite aspects of my past positions and experiences and I was eager to get started. Once I did, I struggled with the management style I was receiving, communicating my needs only to consistently be met with unmet expectations. That, coupled with a difficult culture and internal resistance to what I was tasked to work towards, made it difficult to enjoy the work I was doing, but I persevered. I don’t believe in giving up when the going gets tough, but rather plowing through the difficulties and making the best of any situation. That is, until that situation bears no further potential.
The pinnacle of toxicity in a large organization comes to light with the vocalization of one word: re-org. Having never worked for such a large company before, I was naïve to what was to come. Long story short: my manager left their position, leaving me to be a team of 1. Their position was also eliminated as a result of the re-org, so I now had no growth opportunities. I saw the writing on the wall and knew I had to make a move and I had to make it fast.
So I transferred internally to a different team that, from the outside, seemed even more exciting than the first. Travel opportunities, engaging with high level internal and external leadership, autonomy over my work and…future growth opportunities! It was like the light I had been searching for at the end of the tunnel. Spoiler alert: it was not.
This new opportunity was worse than the previous, but for different reasons. The person I directly reported to was all but nonexistent. I communicated with them maybe once per month, and even then it seemed our short-lived conversations were meant only for them to check a box. No communication on how I was doing in the role, any help I may need or feedback I may have – nothing. The individual responsible for training and day to day oversight of me was the living embodiment of the phrase “hostile work environment”. I often left conversations thinking to myself “am I stupid?” because that’s how they made me feel.
The person I directly reported to was all but nonexistent. I communicated with them maybe once per month, and even then it seemed our short-lived conversations were meant only for them to check a box.
While my first position with the company hadn’t been what I was looking for, this second position was quickly soul crushing. It traded my self-esteem and value for anxiety and a state of constant fear of reprimanding. There was no appreciation. Toxic behaviors like working 12-15 hour days, working weekends, sacrificing sleep – these were praised. Suggestions on process improvement or seeking genuine autonomy were met with hostility to the point where I stopped making suggestions.
I found myself once again searching for the right position. I was determined not to settle, knowing I had settled in the past, but I couldn’t seem to find anything. My determination was no match for the vibrant and competitive workforce that exists in North Alabama. Opportunity after opportunity drifted by and I was beginning to think I was never going to find the right position. Worse even, I was beginning to think that perhaps the problems I was facing weren’t the managers, but rather it was me. Were my expectations too high? Did the “right position” I kept dreaming of even exist?
Worse even, I was beginning to think that perhaps the problems I was facing weren’t the managers, but rather it was me. Were my expectations too high?
And then one day, I got an Indeed message…about the position I was dreaming of getting into…with a small business, an environment I was desperately eager to return to. And the stars aligned and EUREKA, I got the job! There aren’t words to describe the trepidation I had walking into this new role. I had been sold a bill of goods not once, but twice before. I was not going to walk into another position with rose colored glasses on.
My first few weeks were great, I was learning so much and I was being exposed to multiple different facets of the company. I was introduced to the CEO and VPs within my first week, I was on a first name basis with the highest levels of leadership in the company and they truly seemed to listen to me when I talked to them.
At the end of my first month with the company, I went on business travel with the CEO, one of the VPs, and the Founder of the company – not only was it my first travel experience with this company but it was also with some of the most important people at the company. Unsurprisingly, I was nervous. Surprisingly, the trip was amazing.
I got to engage with leadership on a more personal level and they truly cared about what I had to say. The conversations I had on that trip are still referenced today and I am so thankful to have gone on this trip so early in my career with this company. I’ll never forget what was to me the most significant part of this trip. Following an employee engagement event we hosted for our local employees, we were heading back to the hotel and the CEO asked me “Do you know what your love language is?”. You could have knocked me over with a feather. Of course I knew, I’m a words of affirmation girl through and through. They noted this is something that my manager may struggle with as they’d not been great at it historically but they would keep that in mind. And they’ve kept that promise, to this day.
I got to engage with leadership on a more personal level and they truly cared about what I had to say.
My manager, supposedly not historically superior with expressing their appreciation verbally, has had no difficulty in coming to me with praise. Any time they have feedback, they ensure it is being received correctly, something people struggle with on an interpersonal level, let alone a professional one. To put it simply: they care about me as a person first and an employee second. This has been the biggest differentiator between my new company and the previous.
I love my job, but on paper, I was slated to love my 2 previous jobs as well. The difficulty I was consistently faced with was my management, or lack thereof, and the environments I was trying to succeed in. It was like planting a petunia in a desert – I was destined to wilt from the start.
It’s been 6 months now and things are great. I’m not naïve enough to believe I will never have trouble with work – that is a part of life. But I know that I am supported by management and a team of some of the best, most kind hearted co-workers, and that knowledge makes the hardest of days that much easier to navigate.
This blog was written by Guest Blogger Teddy Smith, a friend of Horizon Point.
If you like this blog, you might enjoy these others related to Workplace Appreciation:
- The Point Blog: Why Appreciation in the Workplace Matters
- The Point Blog: How to be Authentic with Your Appreciation at Work
- Appreciation at Work: Appreciation Preferences Across Cultures: What We’ve Learned From MBAI Results In 7 Languages
