Horizon Point Consulting

Category: Beyond Leadership

Beyond Leadership is Horizon Point’s line of resources for managers of people. Managing ourselves is a distinct set of behaviors from managers the work of others, and we are here to help. Read stories in this category if you are ready to take the next step into people leadership (or if you’re looking for articles to send someone else…).

Today I Was Biased
This morning my 16-year-old informed me that tomorrow is “Senior Day” for Homecoming week and as part of the SGA leadership team, he has to dress up as a senior citizen. The immediate image in my head was that of an old man with a branded t-shirt, khaki pants held up by wide suspenders, and clunky white tennis shoes. So that’s what we went with.

Why that’s the image that popped into my mind, I don’t know. My dad is 71, he’s a senior citizen, and he’s never dressed like that. My uncles don’t dress like that. In fact, no senior men I know dress like that. But yet that’s the first image I have when I think of a senior man. And I realize that’s a very biased image.

Biases and perceptions have been on my mind a lot lately. On October 24^th, my colleague Jillian and I will be traveling to Perdido Beach Resort to speak at the Alabama Association of Regional Councils Annual Conference and one of our sessions will be on Overcoming Bias. I’ve also been researching job requirements and disability accommodations for my capstone thesis for law school and much of my research includes discussions on biases and perceptions.

We all have biases and perceptions. Some are conscious biases, we know we have them, and some are unconscious. We may react a certain way in a given situation but haven’t yet connected the dots to understand why we always react that specific way. So, what are some steps we can take to minimize bias in the workplace?
- Sit with your feelings. If you’re familiar with Emotional Intelligence, the first skill is self-awareness. Being aware of your own feelings. If you’re dealing with a difficult situation or decision, have to have a tough conversation, or just have some pressing thoughts running through your mind, find a quiet place where you won’t be interrupted and ask yourself how you’re feeling and be honest about it. Are you angry, frustrated, sad, happy, confused? Don’t try to talk yourself out of how you’re feeling or think you should feel guilty for the emotions you’re experiencing, just feel them and ask yourself why you feel the way you do. Acknowledging the feelings is the first step to understanding them and learning how to manage them, which is the second skill of emotional intelligence; self-management.
- Understand that biases can be positive or negative, and both can have a huge impact. We tend to think that biases are negative beliefs or views, but that’s not always the case. Imagine you have a great employee that reminds you of yourself when you were “that age” and so without even realizing you do it, you begin to give them preferential treatment. They get all the best assignments, you take them under your wing and teach them everything you know, you end up going out to lunch together more days than not to discuss work, and eventually the other members of your team start to get resentful of always being left out. Their performance starts to deteriorate, their morale slips further and further down, and you just can’t figure out why. And before you know it, your star performer seems unhappy too and appears to be avoiding you. You’re guilty of engaging in the Similar-to-Me Bias, you showed a preference toward the employee who you felt was most similar to you, without even realizing you were doing it.
- Practice change. Your biases and perceptions are formed based on your experiences and environment. When we experience similar situations, we begin to create biases towards those types of situations; same with people. For example, if you hate going to the dentist, you talk yourself into how horrible going to the dentist for your checkup is going to be and the closer it gets the more you dread it and you are miserable the entire time you’re getting your cleaning done and you come out and you think about how miserable it was. What if you purposefully changed your approach. Instead of self-talk about how horrible the visit was going to be, what if instead you gave yourself a pep-talk about how it wouldn’t be that bad and you could handle it and that the dentist and hygienist are both really nice. And during the visit you tell yourself how well you’re doing and when it’s over you congratulate yourself on doing so well and how it wasn’t as bad as you thought it would be. Do you think that maybe after a few visits that might help change your mindset about going to the dentist? Same with those dreaded weekly meetings that last forever – try some positive self-talk and see if you can’t change your biases and perspective towards them, even if just a little.
My challenge for you this week: Pick one bias or perception that you want to change and start practicing.
October 11, 2022
Board Service; What is my role?
Over the past few months, we’ve had several requests to facilitate training for boards of directors. Just last week, I met with a relatively newly formed board. They were receptive, attentive, and appreciative of the nuggets of information I shared.

Source: National Council of Nonprofits

Board governance is the primary purpose of a board. They aren’t tasked with handling the day-to-day activities, such as staffing. Every training I’ve done has been organized by a competent, engaged director hired by the board. Boards should focus on the mission of the organization, be transparent and make financial decisions that are in the best interest of the organization.

Being a board member holds many benefits. A few of those are:
- Giving back to the community
- Opportunities to network
- Help drive the mission of the organization
- A chance to have your opinions heard and used
Check out Board Roles and Responsibilities from the National Council of Nonprofits for more insight into board operations. Also, a book we typically recommend for board members is Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High.

Are you a member of a board? Is your organization governed by a board? Reach out to us at HPC today if we can help with training.
October 4, 2022
Are You (or Someone You Know) a Jerk at Work?
We’re fortunate to work with hundreds of different people across industries and state lines, and we learn something new with each project and grow personally from every relationship. We also hear many, many stories about bad managers and toxic coworkers. Back in 2019, Lorrie addressed the question, Are Your Top Employees Also Your Most Toxic?.

When I’m facilitating leadership or communication training, I often get the feedback, “I think I can try these strategies and behaviors with most of my coworkers, but what do I do with someone who is just a jerk?”. If we have the opportunity for more conversation, I can usually help get to the root of the behavior and suggest a strategy or two. Sometimes I just have to shrug my shoulders and say, “I’m sorry, that’s tough”. It really stinks when I feel like I can’t help.

A few weeks ago, I discovered Jerks at Work: Toxic Coworkers and What to Do About Them by Tessa West, and I am here to sing praises! Tessa, an Associate Professor of Psychology at New York University, defines seven types of work jerks and how to deal with them. She also provides three practical resources:
- Am I a Jerk at Work? (take this quiz online!)
- Am I an Effective Ally? (take this quiz online!)
- What Type of Jerk Do I Have at Work?
I took both quizzes, and not only did I get clear insight into my results, the quizzes themselves challenged me to think critically and honestly about how I would respond in real-life scenarios.

Here’s Tessa’s definition of an Ideal Coworker:

Even in tough situations, you try to take the perspective of others. When there’s conflict at work, you don’t run and hide. Instead, you have difficult conversations, even if it means finding out a thing or two about yourself that you don’t like.

In groups, you’re willing to lead without dominating conversations and agendas. As a boss, you’re careful not to fall into micromanagement traps. When you feel overwhelmed you accept help, have your direct reports prioritize work, and figure out what projects need the most attention.

Do you see yourself in that description? What about your direct supervisor? If you have direct reports, do you think they view you this way?

Let’s look at Tessa’s definition of the Effective Ally:

You respond to jerk at work behavior with a combination of appropriate confrontation and advice-giving. You realize that the solution to jerks at work is to form allies at work, and you’re quick to help victims find the right people to buffer and protect them. Grand, public gestures of support are not your style. If confrontation is called for, you prefer one-on-one meetings. You realize that public shaming rarely gets you to where you want to be. Instead, you use tactics aimed at reducing conflict rather than exacerbating it. You prefer open and honest communication between those who are involved as an initial strategy.

Often you find yourself in a mediator role, helping two people with conflict work it out. Boss’s love having you around because you know how to ease interpersonal tensions without creating the appearance of taking sides. If you aren’t a leader already, there’s a good chance you will be some day.

Same questions as before: Do you see yourself in that description? What about your direct supervisor? If you have direct reports, do you think they view you this way?

Jerks at Work defines seven types of toxic coworkers, including four specific types of toxic bosses. For each type, Tessa provides “sneaky behaviors to watch out for”, specific strategies to try, and insight for bosses to help prevent toxic behaviors on teams in the first place. I won’t spoil the reveal for you, but suffice to say, you will see people you know in this book. It might even be you.

I’ll leave you with this excerpt from the book’s conclusion:

For most of us, sustained conflict at work causes stress and anxiety and interferes with our ability to get stuff done…[None of the] strategies I recommend in this book cost a million dollars, or hours and hours of precious time, to implement…Jerk-at-work problems can be the death of a team. And luckily for you and me, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to solve them. It’s about looking out for warning signs, understanding why someone behaves the way they do, and learning how to open the lines of communication so you can solve the problem quickly and with as little stress as possible. That way you have time for real rocket science.

At the end of the day, we all want to do meaningful work alongside people who support us. No one wants to deal with jerks at work. But sometimes we have to. And sometimes we find that we are the jerks ourselves. Are you (or someone you know) a jerk at work?
September 20, 2022
Feed Your Future With Feedback & Feedforward
Next week, I’m talking about Feedback and Feedforward at the Tennessee SHRM Conference. While preparing for this session, I’m reflecting on my own feedback and feedforward skills. Am I following my own advice in giving meaningful feedback and practicing feedforward? If I do receive input from others, am I following up and actually implementing any change? Are you?

Just this morning, I received (unsolicited) feedback from my husband that I have not been practicing what I preach in work-life balance. I enjoy my work, paid and volunteer, so much that I have found myself with a plate that isn’t just full…it’s spilling over. Now I have my own homework to do to take this feedback to heart and actually examine my schedule and commitments.

Have you received similar feedback? That is, unsolicited feedback? Let’s talk about the types of feedback:

Unsolicited – The Kind You Didn’t Ask For

Solicited – Well, You Asked For It

Observation – It’s Not What They Said, It’s How They Said It

How often do you actually solicit feedback? For most of us, that type of feedback is the least common. We typically receive unsolicited feedback and/or observe feedback behaviors. Why? It is a whole lot easier to see our problems in others than it is to see them in ourselves. Even though we may be able to deny our problems to ourselves, they may be very obvious to the people who are observing us.

We can probably all work on soliciting feedback and actually listening to it. Today, since I already know an area that I need to work on, I’m thinking about the practice of Feedforward. Here’s how it works:
1. Pick a behavior you want to change that would make a significant, positive difference in your life
2. Describe what you want to change with someone (one-on-one)
3. Ask the person for two suggestions for the future
4. Listen attentively to the suggestions
5. Thank them
Feedforward is a smart, effective way to take action and have accountability for the change you’re working on.

I’ll leave you with this quote from Marshall Goldsmith in his book What Got You Here Won’t Get You There:

“We’re being told all day long how we’re doing. And the reason we accept this feedback and actually attempt to respond to it (e.g., if we’re down in sales, we’ll try harder to bring the figures up) is that we accept the process: An authority figure “grades” us and we are motivated to do better because of it. It’s not like that with interpersonal behavior, which is vague, subjective, unquantifiable, and open to wildly variant interpretations. But that doesn’t make it less important. It’s my contention— and it’s the bedrock thesis of this book— that interpersonal behavior is the difference-maker between being great and near-great, between getting the gold and settling for the bronze.”

Use our free resource – Practice Feedback & Feedforward Worksheet – to check in with yourself and others and set timely goals for improvement and mutual commitment.

How can you feed your future?

Attending the TN SHRM Conference? Catch Jillian’s session on September 13 at 3:15pm. Learn more about #TNSHRM22 at horizonpointconsulting.com/whatsup.
September 6, 2022
4 Reasons Why Bad Experiences are the Best Lessons in Leadership
David Letterman most likely had it right when he said, “Life experience is the best teacher.” But I’d add a word and say that BAD life experiences are probably the best teacher, at least when you’re trying to grow in leadership and you’re willing to learn from them.

Our Horizon Point team had a discussion about something related to this concept in a meeting based on some client experience that I can’t even recall now. This led to the idea of using this theme for a blog post.

My team encouraged me to write about the lessons learned from difficult experiences with my oldest son, some of which I’ve written about before. This includes his challenges with epilepsy, medicines for epilepsy, reading, and his combined personality of being impulsive therefore lacking in self-control at times. These experiences and circumstances have shaped him and me.

When this came up, I shared with them how much I felt like he’d matured (and how much I had too as a parent watching him) in the last year or so. Maybe it was just now developmentally appropriate to expect him to think about his thinking and his experiences, but over the last year it was becoming evident how the hard things had been molding him somehow. He’s finally gotten some outward wins, but in truth, the real wins have been from learning his way through hardships.

All that he’s experienced has led him to be more empathetic, less likely to judge, and a heck of a hard worker. He’s gritty and determined. He’s competitive, but supportive and encouraging of other people’s successes nine times out of ten. He sees people, often people others neglect to see, and he feels deeply. He’s becoming what my husband and I have wanted so badly for him, and if we are honest, what we have wanted so badly for our own selves and self images that we often can’t put aside no matter how hard we try. He’s becoming a leader.

We plan for blog posts about a month in advance. Little did I know that right before I was scheduled to turn in this post, I’d learn more and more about how the seemingly bad experiences shape us and also become answers to prayers, ultimately leading us to God’s purpose and direction for our leadership and lives.

I’d say that bad experiences make us the best leaders if we choose to learn from them. Through our attitude and self-reflection, we can turn them into good. Here’s why:
1. 1. We become more self aware when we experience bad things and when we fail. It makes us stop and think why much more often than the good and the winning if we allow it to. What ownership do I need to take in the bad? What is it I can and should control and what can’t I? What systems and structures have created or contributed to the bad? How can I impact them? It helps us understand ourselves better, and self-awareness is where great leadership has to start.
  2. We become more empathetic. Because we have struggles of our own, we are more apt to see others struggles, ask about them, listen well when they are shared, and try to empathize with them. We care. We develop more other awareness. Leadership skills have to be developed through the platinum rule- treat others as they’d like to be treated. You have to know people well enough to be able to know how to treat them, and that starts with an empathetic mindset.
  3. We become more vulnerable. We are less likely to know it all, try to be it all, and perfect it all and we are also less likely to expect others to do and be the same when we have experienced some healthy doses of humble pie. Leaders are at their best when they are transparent and that usually begins with a comfort level with being vulnerable.
  4. We are better able to realize who our true friends and advocates are and who we want to align ourselves with. There’s nothing like being kicked when you’re already down and that often happens when we experience bad things. Others can come full force with their feet sometimes, whether they realize it or not, when people are down and out. Leaders have to build strong and safe teams around shared values, and sometimes the only way to know a friend from a foe is to see them from our own spot of rock bottom. I loved this podcast where Reese Witherspoon articulates the “bottom third” to steer clear of. You sometimes are only able to identify the bottom third of people actively working against you if you aren’t on top.
Self awareness, empathy, vulnerability and strong teams are the cornerstones of leadership and, sometimes, they are only taught and learned through the school of hard knocks.

How have you learned and come out leading through the bad?
July 26, 2022