“You would have thought he would have at least stopped and asked him what was going on. He has never once behaved like that at work. Don’t you think his boss should have asked if he was okay or something?”
My friend said this to me while explaining that her brother was suspended from work without pay for lashing out at a colleague. The altercation was verbal not physical and occurred because the colleague had undermined her brother’s authority. Neither of them were able to resolve conflict at work in this heated moment.
“I know he shouldn’t have done it, but doesn’t context matter?” she implored.
Turns out the context (background) was not only the undermining of authority but also the fact that my friend and her brother had just lost their mother AND his little girl was in the hospital. Truth be told, he probably shouldn’t have been at work to begin with, given the stress he was under. But my friend says their work culture is one in which they all pretend work and “life” exist in two completely different compartments, and YOU better be dead or in the hospital to not make it to work.
As we launch our series on how to resolve conflict at work, I can’t help but think about this story my friend shared with me. If you are a leader in an organization, you can take your first cue from this story and realize that if you don’t know the stress that others may be under (inside or outside of work) and actively work to help them manage it, you may not be the best leader.
To resolve conflict at work, we suggest using the SBAR Model to lead your way through it. Originally developed by the US Marines, we find this approach is best explained by our friend and Reality Based Leadership expert, Cy Wakeman.
Here is her overview of SBAR from her LinkedIn Article:
S = Situation. I need the person to identify, in one true, drama-free sentence, what the issue is.
B = Background. This is 2-3 sentences of only the facts and history that applies to what we’re trying to (re)solve.
A = Analysis or Assessment. This is the “Why does the issue matter?” section. It should also include fact-checking so you know what’s real and what’s a story.
R = Recommendations (yes, that’s plural). If you come to me with just what needs to be done, that’s your opinion, your request, your demand. Come to me with ideas of all the things you could do and I’ll know you’re being mentally flexible and thinking your way through the problem. It shows you’ve got resilience.
If you noticed, Cy’s approach is to get the person you are dealing with to walk through these questions, not you as the leader. This is an empowerment based approach.
What might have happened if the supervisor of my friend’s brother did this with him after the conflict took place? Would the brother have been psychologically safe enough (from a glimpse into the work culture sister described, probably not…) to tell him the B- background of his current situation? Would he have R-recommended suspension for himself? Without pay?
I of course don’t know the answers to this, and I of course don’t know if sister got the whole truth and nothing but the truth from brother, but when it is all said and done, when conflict takes place at work an empowerment based model like SBAR can help keep the conflict from escalating and can help us build stronger teams.
What is your approach to dealing with conflict at work?
