A few years ago, Mary Ila shared an insight that continues to resonate: “The next activity you need to do with your leaders? Ask: What needs to start, stop, or stay?”
It is a simple yet powerful framework. We often apply it to organizations and teams, but not always to ourselves. Today, I want to circle back and reflect on how we can apply that lens personally.
When do we know it is time to start something new, stop something we have been doing for a while, or make a tough call about whether to stay put or leap into something entirely different?
A Personal Reflection
Several years ago, I was approached to do some contract work supporting individuals in transition, both logistically and in their careers. It was meaningful, energizing work. It did not interfere with my role at HPC, and it even enhanced it. The stories, challenges, and lessons I gathered from those contract clients often made their way into the training sessions I facilitated. It was truly a win-win.
Fast forward seven years. I still enjoyed the work, but it had started consuming more of my weekends. Meanwhile, my responsibilities at HPC had expanded, as had my salary. I was also receiving more and more local referrals for resume writing, outside the scope of my contract work.
I wrestled with the decision to stop for nearly a year. The work was fulfilling, but it no longer aligned with the season of life I was in. When I finally chose to step away, it felt bittersweet, but ultimately, it was the right move. As Greg McKeown says in Essentialism, “You cannot overestimate the unimportance of practically everything.” That reminder helped me focus on what truly mattered.
How to Decide What to Start, Stop, or Stay With
My process for making this decision aligned closely with a favorite book I often recommend: The Next Right Thing by Emily P. Freeman (find it on our Bookshelf). It offers gentle wisdom for navigating uncertain seasons. One of her guiding questions, “What is the next right thing in love?” became a compass for my own reflection.
Here is what helped me find clarity:
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Make a Pros and Cons List
It is classic for a reason. Getting your thoughts down on paper brings objectivity to an emotional decision. -
Talk to Mentors and Trusted Advisors
Do not go it alone. I leaned on people who know me well, including Mary Ila, our CEO, and my husband. Their honest feedback helped me see the bigger picture.
“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” – Mahatma Gandhi
But sometimes, you also have to protect the energy that allows you to serve others sustainably.
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Ask the Hard Questions
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If I start something new, what will I have to stop?
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What is currently working that I need to let stay?
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What is no longer aligned, even if it is still “good”?
These questions brought clarity and gave me the courage to choose what served me best personally and professionally.
For Leaders: Are You Supporting Your Team’s “Next Right Thing”?
If you are in leadership, consider how you are helping your team members navigate their own Start, Stop, Stay questions. (If you have not read our piece on Should I Let My Employees Have Side Gigs?, it is worth a look.)
We love helping teams explore this framework in real time through retreats and training. There is power in making space to pause and reflect, individually and together. How can we support your organization?
