Author: Mary Ila Ward

Last week, I had to share some information with someone that was unpleasant. I was nervous about how to deliver the message, but I went back to the steps I recommend to leadership coaching clients when they have to deliver and discuss issues that involve conflict. This is a very common issue that leaders have to navigate, and the best method to handle or diffuse conflict is to address it. The worst thing that can be done is to ignore.

If you’re struggling with how to handle a situation head on, use these steps to make it easier:

1.  Get your facts before proceeding. There are two sides to every story and a he said/she said issue is not ready to approach until you’ve gathered your facts. Make sure you know the ins and outs of the issue before discussing and address it.

2.  Seek counsel of the wise. Before I went into my “unpleasant” discussion last week, I sought the counsel of three people that I trust. There was consensus on how to handle the issue from the three individuals (who had no idea what the other people recommended), so I felt confident that the approach was the best method. Make sure you have 2-3 trusted advisors as a leader. This is why hiring a coach may beneficial.

3.  Plan and practice your approach. Write it out if you need to. This will help you feel confident in your delivery and anticipate questions or concerns that may arise from the party(ies) you are addressing.

4.  Address it. Like I said, the worst thing you can do when conflict arises is to ignore it. To address the situation effectively:

• Frame the issue with the facts
• State your concern as well as why you are concerned making sure that potential effects on company and individual performance are addressed
• Ask open-ended questions of the parties
• Provide time for comment from all involved
• Develop an approach or plan of action to resolve the issue. Ensure that everyone involved is clear on his or her responsibilities.

How do you address difficult issues and/or resolve conflict in the workplace?

Want more? You may like this post:

2 Tips for Resolving Conflict Wisely

I was mad. Really mad. I had an appointment with a client. He asked to reschedule because he said he would be out of the office all day the day we had scheduled to meet. I showed up at the company the day we were scheduled to meet in order to meet with one of his colleagues and out he walks. He’s there. I felt lied to and intentionally blown off.

He said nothing. I said nothing. I expected an apology or at least an explanation e-mail or phone call to come from him. I got nothing.

In inquiring about his presence at the office when he said he was going to be gone, I found out he was waiting on another person to leave for the day. He hadn’t lied, but he hadn’t clarified anything with me. I’m glad I did some inquiring before I blew off the handle at him, and I was embarrassed that I got so worked up about the situation. But it all could have been diffused if he had just informed me about what was going on, instead of leaving me assuming.

I often find that with business communication, we assume a lot. We assume people know certain things are happening, or we assume they have the information they need to complete a task, or we assume people think the best of us. More often than not, our withholding information by assuming leaves people, well mad. Like I was.

Taking on the mindset of informing others helps to steer communication in a way that does not leave unanswered questions.

Are you informing people enough? Consider this list from the coaching tool, For Your Improvement(maybe it’s not a coincidence that the book is referred to as FYI). If you find yourself thinking one or more of these statements describe you, then you’d be well served dropping a few more FYIs every now and then.

Unskilled Informer:

-Not a consistent communicator

-Tells too little or too much

-Tells too late; timing is off

-May be unclear; may inform some better than others

-May not think through who needs to know by when

-Doesn’t seek or listen to the data needs of others

-May inform but lack follow-through

-May either hoard information or not see informing as important

-May only have one mode- written or oral or e-mail

For more on improving communication:

Saying too much is like saying nothing at all

How to combine communication with teamwork

Team communication: It’s not what you say but how you say it

I ran into a professional contact at a local conference last month. She’s an attorney with experience in HR and has provided me with some legal advice related to a consulting project I had last year. I hadn’t seen her in about six months and we have probably interacted two or three times over the last couple of years.

We caught up, talking about family and work. Being 38 weeks pregnant at the time, she asked about our growing family. It is always a pleasure talking to her, and I left our conversation being thankful that there are professionals like her who are serious about their work and their family, not compromising either for the sake of the other. She was genuinely interested in what I had to say, and I left our conversation a little bit more fulfilled than when it began. But my thoughts about her and our conversation were just that- fleeting. Our conversation hadn’t crossed my mind again. Not until five days later.

Five days later, and three days post delivery- the baby decided to make an appearance a little early right after the conference- my assistant brought me the mail from the office. In it was a package from this contact (how did she even still have a record of my address?) for the baby with monogramed bloomers for her. She remembered the baby’s FULL name. Enclosed was a sweet and genuine note.

While I had thought about how nice it was to talk to her, she had been deliberate in expressing her care and thoughtfulness towards my family and me. She remembered my baby’s name, and if she were I, because I can’t remember my own name half the time, went and wrote it down with the intention ofacting on the knowledge. She then went and bought bloomers, got them monogramed, found my address, and mailed them. And she had to have done this in less than a day or so. She is a busy, successful attorney with a husband and young child herself.

So what, you may think? It’s just bloomers. But it is so much more than bloomers. It’s putting People First by expressing our ACTIONS, not just our thoughts, that others are important.

What matters even more is that her thoughtfulness made me want to be a better person. Her gesture made me think about ACTING in a way that expresses the same value to others whether I’ve seen them two or three times in the past two years or I see them everyday. She, again, demonstrated our company’s Give Back value. She ACTS and did it in a way that truly showed me she cared by her listening, personalization, timeliness, and ultimate action.

That’s how you motivate others.You motivate them through demonstrating the actions you want to see take place. Not because you are trying to manipulate them into action, but because you care. People are first. You demonstrate this and your results are multiplied because they, in turn, take on the People First mindset as their own, turning to more and more action.

Who makes you a better person?

More on being a better person and motivating others….

Are you a LEGO Leader?

Leadership Lessons from College Football

Mind On, Hands Off

Usefulness as an Employee Satisfaction Tool