Last week, I discussed how many parents often discourage their children without even knowing it by the comments made about career and college choices. We do this with good intentions. We want to see our children succeed and be better off than we are, and as older and wiser parents, we should know what is best for them, right?
There is, however, a good way and a bad way to impart our wisdom in shaping decision-making. Taking on the role of coach may be the best way to do this when it comes to giving career and college advice.
In What I talk About When I Talk about Running, the author, Haruki Murakami describes how he finally found a swimming coach that was able to help him improve his stroke.
Below are the reasons she was a good coach. These lend themselves well to how we can be good parent-as-coaches in order to help mold our child(ren)’s paths:
A good coach:
- Seeks to know and understand the person’s goals. They do not force their own person goals onto the one being coached. The coach, at times, may need to help the person become self-aware if they don’t know what their goals actually are.
- Does not try to “reinvent” the one being coached. Instead the coach works to create positive habits through action that slowly help to mold the person in the direction they want to go.
- Seeks to address both skill and will issues that may prohibit the person from reaching their goals. For example, a lot of what was hampering Haruki’s swimming was not the skill of swimming, but what went on in his mind when he entered a crowded race to swim. He was actually hyperventilating when races would start. The coach worked to modify his behavior through breathing techniques to keep him from hyperventilating thus reducing his anxiety and helping him get back to competing in triathlons.
Like this example, confidence may be a key issue in helping your child achieve success, and you, more than anyone else as a parent can help make or break their confidence through the type of encouragement or support you provide them. I’m not advocating for helicopter parenting when I say this or advocating for giving them a trophy when they come in 13th place, but I am advocating for having dialogue with them that helps them work through, themselves, the issues that plague teenage and early adulthood confidence. Being supportive of who they are and what their dreams are (not who you are and what your dreams are) is an important step in this process.
How has someone who has acted as a coach for you helped you to achieve success?
