In all the focus on women andpersonal leadership in our recent posts, I think what is so important in personal leadership is establishing leadership and decision making that is best for yourself and being able to take it a step further by respecting others approach to personal leadership that guides their decision making.
A few weeks ago while out to dinner with friends, one of my friends who was about 30 weeks pregnant shared with me her decision not to return to work after the baby was born. I could tell, although we are close, that she was almost ashamed to tell me this. As a working-outside-the-home-mom, it was almost as though she had her guard up that I might judge, and I hated myself for making her even begin to feel that way. I wondered what I had demonstrated in my past behavior that indicated to her that I might judge, and I silently thought about how I might avoid this behavior in the future.
She expressed her concern over her husband’s demanding job and her excitement over taking some online classes that she had a real passion for the field in, but most of all her excitement about their soon-to-be son or daughter arriving and this being the best decision for her. I applaud her for it. And the great thing is, I know she applauds my decision to work outside the home, even though it is different path than hers.
What I thought had been a conversation down at the other end of the table about sports and beer with the husbands, I found out ended up being some of that but also some of the same soon-to-be parent concerns, as my husband shared with me what the boys discussed that night. For example, the spouse of the 30 week pregnant friend, expressed to my husband his worry about his demanding job as well and his focus already on determining ways to spend more time at home now and especially once the baby arrived.
What does the decision to work or not to work or to come home early from work and discussing it casually amongst friends at dinner have to do with personal leadership? Everything.
What strikes me the most though, is that many of us self-impose the decisions we have found to be right for us onto others, because what’s right for us, especially if we have done it through considering personal leadership principles, has to be right for everyone else, right? Wrong.
True personal leadership is about the ability to, yes, determine the right course of action for yourself through examining your priorities, roles and focus, but is also about having the leadership capability to support others in what they discern is best for them.
I think we’d all admit that this may not come easy, but creating an environment around us where people know that you are there to offer personal support for decisions they make, whether they are congruent to yours or not, is truly establishing personal leadership for yourself. Especially if you can celebrate their decisions, while remaining true to yours and welcoming them in celebrating what is best for you as well.
Are you lucky enough to be surrounded by friends and family who build an environment for support for the decisions you make?
