This past weekend the pastor from my former church in Virginia stepped down from his position due to health issues. As I watched the Indoctrination Ceremony to install the new pastor online, I was overwhelmed by my pastor’s grace and gratitude. I was inspired by his authenticity regarding his circumstances.
As he spoke of his need to step down, he also spoke of his calling to step up into a supporting role for the new pastor, someone that has been a part of the church and supported him for many years. He spoke of saying “no”, so that he could say “yes” to God’s new calling for him.
We are taught at a very young age that no carries a negative meaning and has negative results. But as William Ury outlines in his book The Power of the Positive No, if done right, saying no can have a positive impact and is necessary in order to get to the right yes.
So how can you create a positive no?
- Explain your reason for saying no. Perhaps you don’t have time or what is being asked is outside of your expertise.
- Offer up an alternative. Offer to help find someone who can say yes or provide an alternative solution to the problem.
- Don’t be afraid to say “I need time to think about it.” If you’re not sure if you can help, think about it and get back to them within a reasonable amount of time.
- Confirm that you think the idea is a great one and apologize for not being able to help. Provide positive feedback to reinforce their efforts and let them know that you wish you could help to see it through.
By taking the negative out of no, you keep the door open for a future yes.
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