Horizon Point Consulting

Author: Mary Ila Ward

  • Explain Your Why. Don’t Assume Why.

    Explain Your Why. Don’t Assume Why.

    After a particularly long doctor’s appointment with our seven-year-old, the topic of his prescription (he has epilepsy and takes a medicine to control his seizures) came up.

    The nurse practitioner came back in to say she had sent it to the pharmacy electronically.

    My husband said, “We need it written in 500mL increments.”

    She looked at him like who do you think you are, trying to tell me how to write a prescription.

    I looked at my husband and tried to telepathically tell him, “Explain to her why you are making that request.”  I may or may not have also thought “You idiot” too, but that’s beside the point.

    You see, I knew why he was making this request. His request had good intentions, not meant to serve his ego, but to serve others. We get his medicine from the community pharmacy where my husband works. He’s in administration at the hospital. The medicine comes to the pharmacy in 250mL bottles. The way our son’s prescription was written last time required bottles to be split which is a real pain for the pharmacy staff. The dosage is so close to 500mL for a three-month supply (450mL I think) that, in his mind, it was easy and made logical sense to write the prescription at 500mL. It would save everyone time.

    The nurse knew none of this.

    But once he started to explain that really all he was trying to do was make life easier for the people he works with, her face relaxed and she simply said, “Sure, we can do that.”

    If we had explained our why before we made the request, things would have been easier. It was fortunate that we could explain our way out of what looked like an ego trip.

    On the flip side of this, the nurse only knew what she knew as well, and that was our request. Her defensive response was totally natural. It is what most of us do. Our brain goes into defense mode when we don’t have all the inputs we need to understand a situation.

    However, what often derails us is making assumptions about people’s motives (i.e. my husband was on a power or control trip) when we don’t have the full context for communication or behaviors towards us. We don’t naturally respond by seeing people in a positive light as our first reaction (i.e. my husband is trying to help someone else out) when we don’t have all the information needed to understand a situation.

    So the next time you make a request of someone, explain to them why you are making that request. If you are the recipient of a request without all the details, don’t assume the worst of the person or the situation. Ask clarifying questions to gain mutual understanding.

    How do you explain the why and not assume the why?

  • The next activity you need to do with your leaders: What needs to start, stop or stay?

    The next activity you need to do with your leaders: What needs to start, stop or stay?

    “The first responsibility of a leader is to define reality.” Max DePree

    Feedback is a critical to any successful performance management and development process.  With trends in feedback moving leaders towards less formal mechanisms of feedback and away from a formal performance appraisal, we still need to be thinking about how to define the current state of someone’s behavior and performance in order to direct what we want to see.

    And sometimes we can formalize things and still make them feel “casual”.   A way to do this is to have a 1. Start 2. Stop 3.  Stay session.

    To do this:

    1. Get your team together.

    2. Give everyone a sheet of flip chart paper and different colored markers​.

    3. Ask them to write their name on the top of their sheet.

    4. Get each participant to create three columns labeled START, STOP, STAY.

    5. Get everyone to hang their flip chart piece on the wall​.

    6. Ask everyone to walk around the room indicating one behavior or action in each column on everyone’s paper.  Let participants know that if an item is already on the wall that they want to write down, to go ahead and write it down again.   Note:  This requires that everyone in the room know and interact with each other enough to have valid input.  If this isn’t the case, you may want to consider splitting the group up or telling people if they don’t know someone well enough to skip them.

    7. Get everyone to take their notepad down and review it. Prompt people to review in a way that:

    • Identifies patterns or trends. Are people saying the same things?
    • Checks
    • for self-awareness. Are they surprised, not surprised, upset, or glad to see what they are seeing?
    • Leads them to see if there are any clarifying questions they’d like to ask about their feedback. For example, (see a chart for me below done in a group training with a client) one person wrote I needed to start “090” them.  I didn’t know what this meant. Turns out it means to go back to the basics, or the remedial course (not the 100 level course) with them. This was such good feedback because it validated some of the puzzled looks I was getting at times in training when I assumed people knew what I was talking about but they didn’t.  I was thinking their looks meant they disagreed with me, but it meant they didn’t understand.

    8. Wrap up the exercise by asking each participant to commit to start, stop or staying on one thing on their list that they think will help them the most and get them to share what they are committing to with another person in the group for accountability.

     

    I find some people are really hesitant to do this in a group setting.  They think it won’t go over well because either 1.  People won’t be honest or 2.  People will get their feelings hurt and get upset.   Both of which can make the exercise counterproductive.

     However, I’ve actually found the opposite to be the case.  Facilitating this with clients has been one of the most positive efforts in performance development I have witnessed.  It leads to great dialogue and changed behaviors. Try it.  If it bombs, you can blame me.

    If you want a safer route, you can start by doing it one-on-one.   Ask people first for them to make a list of things you need to start, stop and stay.  Then reciprocate by providing them and list and talking one-on-one about it. 

     

    What are your go-to methods for getting and giving great feedback?

  • Women in Business Need Male Mentors

    Women in Business Need Male Mentors

    My first professional mentor was a man.  In college, I helped him with his research and he helped me grow as a human being in too many ways to count.  It was no big deal for us to have one-on-one discussions in his office with the door closed.  I never thought anything of it.  I suspect he didn’t either.  Nor were my parents concerned.  They are as grateful to him for the positive influence he had on me as I am.

    This mentor often spoke truth with directness to the situations I was dealing with that I found myself getting too emotional about.  He also commended me when I acted in ways that showed I was capable and confident.  Characteristics a woman is often chided for. This was invaluable.

    My best boss was a man.  He gave me the freedom to run with my ideas and got out of my way when I did so.   It was not uncommon for us to travel in the car to places for work related events, just the two of us.  I never thought anything of it.  I doubt he, his wife, or my husband did either.

    This boss didn’t make me feel like an idiot when I cried in his office to him about something, that in hindsight, was stupid.  Nor did he get condescending when we joked and left a positive pregnancy test on his desk as an April Fool’s joke.  Pregnant I was not then, but a month later I was. Oops.  He was also so proud when both my kids were born and gave me more flexibility than most after the first was born and I was also trying to finish my Masters thesis.  He also spoke truth to my emotion and taught me to ask for forgiveness instead of permission.  He praised me for behavior that is also often uncommon for a woman to demonstrate.

    I’m often at lunch one-on-one with men.   They are typically clients or perspective clients.  I think nothing of asking a man to lunch.  I don’t think anything of asking anyone to lunch, male or female. Mealtime is natural way to build dialogue and relationships.

    But the last time I was in a restaurant with a male client (in my hometown) an acquaintance-friend I know saw me sitting there with him.  She looked away.  When I saw her later on, she asked me who he was and why I was there with him.   It was obvious she thought it was weird.  She seemed to disapprove.  I was confused.

    But in this #metoo world we are living in, if people find it strange for a female to be at lunch with a male that is anyone other than her spouse or possibly father, how can we expect it to be okay for both women and men to feel comfortable in one-on-one situations that often help to build strong business relationships, healthy dialogue and positive results?

    At #SHRM18, Sheryl Sandberg spoke about, among other things, the need for women to have male mentors.   She related this to helping women model behaviors, more often demonstrated in males, that help women achieve business success.  I know my male mentors and colleagues have helped me with this (not to mention my dad and my husband, both of whom have probably had more of an influence on this than my professional male relationships.)

    Sheryl didn’t give a lot of advice on how to make men mentoring women totally acceptable despite the #metoo challenges.

    The one direct thing she said to men fearful of establishing these relationships was, “If you don’t feel comfortable having dinner with a woman, don’t have dinner with a man.  Group meals for everyone.”

    I struggle with this though.  The value I gained from the men in my life who have shaped me almost always came in the form of one-on-one, direct feedback.  This just doesn’t take place in a group settings.

    So, like Sheryl, while I don’t have a lot of direct advice to give on how to help this situation, maybe this quote I just came across by Bob Goff can speak the greatest truth:

     

    I have two lunch meetings on my calendar for this week.  Both are with men.   I won’t be afraid, and I pray that for all the great men out there, the world and the media won’t harden or scare you to the point that you are uncomfortable alone with a woman that you can help become the business person and woman she needs to be.

     

  • How can we best help? 5 Insights from Sheryl Sandberg at #SHRM18

    How can we best help? 5 Insights from Sheryl Sandberg at #SHRM18

    2018 for me has been a year of providing support for both professional and personal friends and family that have been experiencing tremendous situations of stress, pain and loss.  As I count today, there are half a dozen people that I’m actively engaged in providing support and encouragement for. If I think about it objectively, I could say that most people, every year, are actively providing support for at least this many people who dealing with some type of life struggle. Struggle is just a part of life.

    I am humbled to have the opportunity to be a small part of helping people through their pain and problems.  If you are doing the same thing, I’m sure you are too.  But if you’re like me, I’m often not sure what helps and what may possibly hurt when it comes to the words and behavior I use when trying to provide the right support.

    Sheryl Sandberg spoke about a variety of things at #SHRM18, most of which came from her personal experience of being a female business executive, a mother and widow. Her insights on the best way we can help each other in the workplace integrated with Adam Grant’s comments on creating an organization of givers.  Like Adam, she was also diligent in stating facts and citing research to back up her points.

     

    When people are dealing with difficult situations, Sheryl noted:

    1. Realize people feel like they are a burden when they are hurting.  Often, they will apologize or say they are sorry when they share their thoughts or feelings. Make sure you assure people that they are not a burden. Validate for them that their thoughts and feelings are okay and that vocalizing them is a good thing.
    2. Don’t assume people have enough help or support from family and close friends.  They often don’t and need you. Oftentimes people that aren’t as close to the situation are the best people for providing support.
    3. You are never reminding people of their pain.  It is always there. When you realize this, it is always best to ask about and acknowledge the elephant in the room.
    4. When you don’t ask, you aren’t protecting people you are making them feel isolated.
    5. Our natural tendency is to ask, “How can I help.”  This is not bad, but people often don’t know what to tell you.  Sheryl suggested just showing up.  Show up in the waiting room at the hospital and just let them know you are there if and when needed.   Show up with a meal or a gift or with their dry cleaning you’ve already picked up and paid for them.  Don’t ask, just do.

     

    What are the best ways you know to help people who are hurting?

  • Culture Eats Strategy for Lunch: 9 Takeaways from Adam Grant at #SHRM18

    Culture Eats Strategy for Lunch: 9 Takeaways from Adam Grant at #SHRM18

    “The work of culture building is never done.  It’s always a work in progress.” – Adam Grant

    People were excited about the concert Tuesday night at #SHRM18, but I was giddy about hearing Adam Grant speak that morning.  The organizational psychology nerd in me was so excited to hear Adam Grant speak, and his comments did not disappoint.

    Top takeaways from his presentation all centered around company culture:

    1. What got you here won’t get you there. Hire for cultural contribution (if you are a big company).  Cultural fit is still important for startups.

    I think most people miss Adam’s overall point in this.  Many simply hear him say don’t hire for cultural fit.  But he cited a study showing start-ups that focused on hiring for cultural fit above other characteristics had a 0% failure rate, surviving for at least 15 years.  Interestingly though, what happens post IPO is that cultural  fit is the worst way to hire.  As a company grows, you need more change and adaptation. Cultural fit doesn’t sit as well.  Instead, look at what is missing from your culture and hire people that can help you fill gaps and adapt.

    2. Not hiring toxic people is more important than hiring good people. Regardless of company size, hire givers, not takers.

    Adam stated that the cost savings of not hiring a selfish employee are more than twice as valuable as hiring a superstar, or the top 1% of people in terms of performance.  In addition, the negative impact of a taker is more than double to triple the positive impact of hiring a giver.

    This is because givers make cultural contribution.  They 1) share their knowledge 2) make connections and 3) create an environment of sharing.  All of which lead to innovation.  Takers sabotage all of this.

    3. Worried about how to screen out toxic people?  Ask one simple question.

    Adam suggested taking anything you are worried about hurting the culture of your organization and asking candidates how common they think it is.   For example, “What percentage of the population do you think is fundamentally selfish?”  Then it is your job to ask them how they came up with that estimate.  If their answer gets back to the fact that they think people are fundamentally selfish, then they are most likely fundamentally selfish.  Steer clear.

    4. Hire disagreeable givers.  

    People who are takers are not the same thing as people who are disagreeable.  You can be agreeable and be a giver or a taker and be disagreeable and be a giver or a taker.  Think four-box grid. Disagreeable givers aren’t afraid to speak up, saying what no one wants to say, which leads to better results. They are more committed advocates for original thinking and are often disagreeing because they are intensely loyal and passionate about the company and the mission.  You need to hear them; they give through challenging.

    For more on this idea, take a look at Adam’s Ted Talk on the subject.

    5. In order for people and companies to thrive, build a culture that welcomes upward challenge.

    When was the last time you questioned or disagreed with your boss?  Do you feel comfortable doing so?  If not, and if you aren’t alone in your organization, most likely your company isn’t capable of remarkable results.  Adam cited Bridgewater,  a company where, “no one has the right to hold a critical opinion without speaking up about it.”   Their website says the culture is one in which, “meaningful relationships are pursued through radical truth and radical transparency.”   One dimension of performance evaluations at Bridegewater is challenging upward.  People are actually rated on whether or not they challenge their boss and their boss’ boss, all the way up the ladder.   The company has consistently outperformed its competition in the market.

    6. Create a negative feedback video.  

    Most people hate to be challenged and hate to receive negative feedback.  But Adam’s talk emphasized that both are necessary for a great culture to thrive. Great leaders seek out both challenge and negative feedback.  He showed a hilarious video of his colleagues all reading negative feedback they received from students.  When employees saw the negative feedback videos there was an 11% increase in a growth mindset.  Creating such a video shows you can take it and opens people up to realize that there is nothing that can’t be voiced.  It is the beginning of a culture where people can speak truth to ideas.

    7. To communicate original ideas, give people a reference with a tune they know.  

    If you have a truly original idea, most likely people lack the schema or reference point to understand it.  If you can relate your idea to another in a different context (for example,  the match.com for companies and job seekers) people are more likely to understand and be open to your idea. “You have to take your unfamiliar idea and make it familiar,” says Adam.  The more you know outside of your organization and your industry, the better you are at making connections to get your ideas adopted.

    8. People who really believe in a mission and are able to contribute in the most meaningful ways are ruthless prioritizers.

    People in this category are able to not pursue a good idea because it isn’t as good as another idea.  What you aren’t working on is often more important than what you are working on.

    9. Crowdsource questions, problems and requests making it easier for people to be givers. It’s imperative to create channels for knowledge sharing.

    This gives people the opportunity to ask for help, especially when they have an unproven idea.  An innovation tournament where problems and requests are presented and people work together on solving them is a good way to put this idea into action.

     

    Adam Grant’s points at #SHRM18 and in any of his other talks or books show what makes him one of the world’s 10 most influential management thinkers and a part of Fortune’s 40 under 40.  His ideas are 1) grounded in research and 2) unconventional. His ideas disprove the status quo with data and science. He’s the type of scientist-practitioner we should all strive to be.

    Originals: How Non-Conformists Move the World

    Give and Take: Why Helping Others Drives Our Success

     

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    Consider Culture Contribution When Hiring 

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