Category: General

In beginning to discuss lessons in personal leadership, I want to first define what I mean by “personal” leadership.  Quite simply, this is the ability to lead yourself.   It’s difficult if not impossible to have the capacity to lead others if you don’t have the ability to guide yourself in achieving outcomes that are important to you.

In discussing the focus on women last week  I posed the question, do we really want to have it all?  Is striving for having it all hurting women in their ability to have person leadership for themselves? Is it hurting everyone’s ability for this?

Here’s a step-by-step process for establishing what is important to you:

I’ve said it MANY times on this blog before, and I’ll say it again, create a personal mission statement.  Not for the company you work for, but for you. Here’s a link to some more info on that which includes a worksheet you can download from Dave Ramsey.  It also contains sample mission statements.

I want to be clear that in focusing on personal leadership and developing a mission statement is in order to move from “maintenance” mode to “mission” mode.  In the Participant Workbook of the Global Mission Society  I was captured by their contrast of “maintenance” verses “mission”.  Maintenance is inward focused, mission is outward focused. Maintenance focuses on ourselves, mission focuses on others.  Your mission is a way to define how you are best suited to impact the world, not a way to live selfishly.

Write this statement down, post it where you see it regularly (especially in places where you find yourself not living your mission) and share it with those people that are important to you.

Examine your schedule and to-do list by your mission statement at least weekly.

Is what is on your calendar and to-do list reflective of your purpose?   I really like the methods outlined in Stephen Covey’s First Things First.  Along with co-authors Roger and Rebecca Merrill, Covey advocates for a generation (4^th generation he calls it) of time management that allows you to focus on what is important, not urgent by creating a mission statement for yourself (the book has a great mission statement workshop in an appendix) that focuses on scheduling and prioritizing your week based on roles (it is others focused).   In addition, it emphasizes leaving time in your schedule for flexibility so you can respond with important things arise.

For example, at any given time you could be playing the role of mother, wife, friend, business developer, work producer, school volunteer, etc.  These roles should be in line with your mission statement. There is always a section for “Sharpening Your Saw” for the week, which focuses on personal development. This way of examining your week helps you consider if you are in fact putting first things first through considering your relationship with others.

Eliminate things that don’t align with your purpose 

This is easier said than done, but saying no to something is saying yes to something else. There are many worthy and good things to spend time doing.  Most of the people I work with that I find are stressed and out of balance aren’t the people that are doing irresponsible or “bad” things with their time.  They are just stuck in a rut of not knowing how to say no (myself included), and I believe this is because they haven’t defined what is important.

Example 1:  A dad finds that he has 2-3 meetings each week after work related to civic volunteering, church activities, etc.  These are all worthy things, but he looks up and realizes he is at home fewer nights a week with his children than he is at another engagement.  In defining his purpose and roles, spending quality time with his children is a key priority.   He gets off two committees at church but stays on the one that is tied to his mission, commits to only one night a week being available for a work engagement, and signs up to help coach t-ball so he can spend more time with one of his sons.

Example 2:  A successful businesswoman has had tremendous success growing her business, but she is now finding herself pulled in too many directions.  Because of this, she is leaving the office later and later, waiting until the last minute to get things done and having a horrible time prioritizing.  In addition, she is constantly dealing with a “high maintenance” client that does not pay their bills on time.  In addition, the margin on the account isn’t even that large.   She examines her purpose through drafting a mission statement and develops a plan to delegate certain activities to her employees based on her desire and purpose to live proactively and align with her purpose to develop others.   She has a frank conversation with the “high maintenance” client and lets them know that until they are current on their payments, she will not able to follow-through on work they want done (again tied to her purpose to live proactively).   Quiet simply, she turns the ringer on her phone off and closes her email inbox to eliminate distractions when she is working on things that help her live proactively.

Two Birds and One Stone I’ve found it helping to consider where in examining your week and roles you might be able to combine functions to gain more benefit.  For example, my role and purpose as a mother has led me to stay at home one day a week with my child.  This is important, and I shift work priorities around accordingly.  Often, I try to find ways to incorporate spending time with him into other roles.  On Thursday, we made brownies together (he’s only two but loves to stir and stir and stir) for a meal we were preparing for two friends that just had babies (fulfilling the role of friend and mission to be gracious to others).  I run with my dad and a friend.  It helps me “sharpen the saw” and helps me find quality time in communicating with two people who are important to me. Beware of killing two birds with one stone…. Now that I’ve said killing two birds with one stone helps you achieve your mission, sometimes it doesn’t. It is just a distraction. For example, if my commitment is to stay at home and spend quality time with my little one 1 day a week, pulling out the computer to check work emails 3-4 times a day (like I also did this Thursday) is not a way to help you meet your mission.  It is a distraction.  Eliminate these things that don’t allow you to focus intently on your purpose at the moment, just as you would eliminate large tasks or commitments that don’t align with your purpose.

What has helped you focus on what’s most important in establishing priorities and personal leadership for yourself?

DO WE REALLY WANT TO HAVE IT ALL?

I’ve been overwhelmed the last few weeks with the emphasis in the media and through random conversations about the focus on women.  Women and their choice to stay at home or not to stay at home, to feed Cheetos for breakfast or fix homemade heart shaped pancakes instead, to take a job that demands more travel or not.  About women and equality from the extremes of equal pay to the need for basic human rights for women. Women having it all or wanting it all, or “leaning in” for it all, or building a nursery onto their office in order to have it all.

All the Fuss

Here’s just a sampling of things that have been brought to my attention in these last few weeks related to women:

Jimmy Carter’s “Losing my Religion for Equality” about how he has made a decision to leave the Southern Baptist Convention because of women’s equality issues.

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead   A book recommended to me by a co-worker written by the COO of Facebook, Sheryl Sandberg.

Working Women Know Your Value an article a friend sent me just after she had finished telling me that she doesn’t charge enough for her side business as well as how she was shocked at how much a friend charged her for baby clothes she had purchased from her.  The article starts off with the dramatics quote “I often feel like a high-class prostitute, I just don’t charge like one. Call girls seem to know their black book value, or at least their madams do. But sadly, many professional working women don’t get or demand the compensation they deserve.”

Or the Blog Cheetos for Breakfast: A Letter to Young Mothers that my mom posted on my Facebook page a few weeks back.

One thing is for sure, the focus on women is everywhere, and it is often about the choices we make. Can you imagine headlines and blog posts like these above focused on men? “Lean In: MEN, Work and the Will to Lead”? “Working MEN Know Your Value”?  “”Cheetos for Breakfast: A Letter to Young FATHERS.”? Yea right. And there is harsh criticism on either side of every debate about a woman and the choices she makes.   Do we ever analyze a man’s choices to the nth degree?

Surprised by it All

Quite frankly,  I’ve been surprised by it all.  I live in an environment, thanks to many who came before me, where gender isn’t a prominent issue on my mind.  Roles where I grew up, where I call home now and where I work aren’t defined by gender for the most part.  I, and I would guess a lot of us male or female, need to be reminded more about some of the points that Jimmy Carter makes in the above article about how this is not the case in much of the world still today.

But despite the lack of focus on gender roles in my world, when I examine myself I realize that I do seem to have more choices to make, even more than my better half, and I do seem to agonize over these choices both big and small much more than my equal and partner-in-crime husband does.  As a matter of fact, when I mentioned to him considering blogging about this topic to get his opinion, he had none.   It isn’t even on his radar.

So my question is, is women wanting it all what leaves us waffling or second-guessing ourselves on so many choices?  What if we decided having it all isn’t really what we want? Would it leave us better able to be more confident in the decisions we do make and to take on a role of personal leadership for ourselves?

I’ll be taking some time in this blog over the next few weeks to examine some ways that both women (and men) can consider tools for personal leadership in their own lives as a way to guide the roles and focus in which they assume.    I hope you’ll subscribe to the blog to be able to read these posts;

Lesson In Personal Leadership 1:  What’s most important and the role of balance

Lesson in Personal Leadership 2:  Sometimes throwing yourself out of whack is what’s most important

Lesson in Personal Leadership 3:  Know your value

Lesson in Personal Leadership 4:  Be confident in your decisions

Lesson in Personal Leadership 5:  Help others and respect their decisions

Quoted in a link to another article out of one mentioned above, Marina Whitman a professor at The University of Michigan said, “I think this thing about ‘can women have it all?’ or ‘can’t they have it all?’ is kind of a silly argument,” she said. “Yes, you may have it all, but not all at once.”

Learning personal leadership lessons to guide yourself may be the best place to start in realizing what is most important and at what time.

The last two weeks have been devoted to finding your passions through your Holland Code and through examining people, things and ideas that you are passionate about.

To make the exercises more concrete, back to the example of Graham:

His Holland Code

ESA (Enterprising, Social, Artistic) is his Holland Code with a strong bent towards the E.   I like to call him the ultimate capitalist.

Job titles connected to these areas:

Enterprising

Social

Artistic

His Top Passions

Establishing and Maintaining Interpersonal Relationships

Provide Consultation and Advice to Others

Selling or Influencing Others

Monitoring and Controlling Resources

Getting Information

Analyzing Data or Information

Developing Objectives and Strategies

Notice that most of his passions are tied to people (social) and ideas (enterprising, artistic).   You don’t see many related to things, which is tied to why his Holland Code does not show a bent towards realistic or conventional occupations.

Any guesses now on what Graham does now that you have seen his talent and passion responses?

Want to do these exercises yourself?

Take My Next Move for your Holland Code for free

Identify your Talents Passions and Values through Horizon Point’s free tool