Horizon Point Consulting

Category: Beyond Work

Beyond Work is our line of resources for people and community leaders looking for something new and innovative outside, be it a new job, career change, or personal development outside of work.

3 Tips for Surviving the Rollercoaster of COVID-19

Feel like you’re on a rollercoaster of emotions these days? Yep, me too.

When we are living out a well-ordered life full of routines, adjusting to a life that has no or new routines can be a challenge. And living on top of our family members day in and day out with little to no break isn’t a walk in the park either. The newness of it can bring some enjoyment and much needed time to just be, then the next minute the newness can make you totally want to lose your ever-loving mind.

For example, one day last week, I was riding a high, sitting in a comfy chair with a lovely view, reading a book while the baby napped on my chest and my older kids were playing outside. The unique situation of having nowhere to be and the opportunity to read a book in the middle of a random Thursday was ideal. Five minutes later, my kids come running in screaming because one has dumped water all over the other one. They’d had just a little too much togetherness. I get onto the one that has been mean, and he smarts his mouth off to me, and I totally lose it. A transition from sheer joy to sheer anger all in about sixty seconds.

And work is no different from home when it comes to the see-saw of highs and lows. One minute I’m excited that our PPP loan is funded. Not five minutes later I’m dealing with the emotions from a long-time client wanting to cancel their contract with us due to the current situation.

My example pales in comparison to the highs and lows that front line healthcare and other works are dealing with. The emotion of seeing a patient go home after four weeks on a ventilator to then go back into the ICU and lose a patient to the virus all in the same day is the real rollercoaster of these times.

So how do we navigate the rollercoaster of emotions at home and at work? And as leaders, how do we help others do the same? I think a video of my kids riding down a hill on their bikes for the first time is a metaphor for how we survive this all:

1. Recognize and acknowledge the emotions you are feeling. Name them and help others do the same. As you can see in the video, the cream of our cookie, our middle child, takes off down the hill with no fear. As her older brother waits his turn at the top he says, “I’m scared of that hill.” As crazy as it sounds, him just verbalizing this (which is hard for him to do) I believe was the step he needed to actually push off and go.

I am scared, I am angry, I am happy. I am all of these things at once. Asking people around you about how they are feeling and allowing them to verbalize their emotions to you can be the best leadership step in helping them tackle the hill. Being vulnerable enough to express the emotions you yourself are feeling to others also sets a strong example and helps you work through being able to push off and go do the next right thing.

2. Peddle fast to capitalize on the momentum of the hill. I don’t know about you, but when I was young and would ride up and down hills, I’d coast down and enjoy the ride. Thinking consciously or not I’d conserve my energy; I’d take a break from peddling. Which made it all the harder to get up the other side.

As you can see, my two take the exact opposite approach. They are peddling their hearts out down the hill. When things look easy, or when emotions are positive and exhilarating, it’s time to peddle faster to prepare you for when things get hard.

If you’re on the high side of the rollercoaster, write a positive note of encouragement to someone, do something you truly enjoy, write down what you’re grateful for, celebrate. This will help provide the momentum needed to get up steep climbs of negative emotions and difficult situations that will come your way.

3. Recognize that we all deal with different situations and different points of the rollercoaster differently; don’t judge or condemn others or yourself for this. The middle child had no fear getting started down the hill but listen to her scream as her brother is headed down the hill. She’s screaming (and you’ll be able to see her if you look) because she was about halfway up the other side of the hill when she fell on her bike because she didn’t have the stamina to get up the other side. No fear going down, all screams going up. Her brother was the opposite. He was scared to go down but had the stamina to make it up the other side.

For too many reasons to count (both nature and nurture related) people deal with the exact same situations differently. And from one day to the next a single person may react totally differently to the same thing on a Tuesday than they did on a Sunday. Don’t be surprised by this and help people where they lack the courage to go down the hill or the stamina to get back up the other side. Help yourself too by not beating yourself up when this happens.

After about a week of tackling the hill, our middle gained the stamina to get all the way up on the other side. She did because we offered her grace when she couldn’t at first by carrying her bike up to the top for her, then teaching her strategies to keep her momentum going, then offering her big words of encouragement as she was in the midst of getting to the top on her own.

Tackling the peaks and valleys of the current situation with grace is the best we can ask of ourselves and of others. When we acknowledge our emotions and those of others and help each other through the ups and downs, we walk away a little stronger, with a little more stamina to tackle the next set of peaks and valleys that will certainly come our way.

How do you navigate the rollercoasters?

April 21, 2020
How to be Authentic with Your Appreciation at Work

What is your most desired love language- or language of appreciation- at work? The Motivating by Appreciation (MBA) Inventory assessment can help you and your colleagues discern this.

What makes giving and receiving appreciation at work so hard? Often, it is the simple fact that we’ve been conditioned to follow the golden rule instead of the platinum one.

The golden rule says to do unto others as you would have them do unto you. So in context, if my language of appreciation is quality time, then the way I live the golden rule is to give you quality time because it is what I desire.

By contrast, if I’m living the platinum rule at work, I’m doing unto you as you want to be treated, not as I want to be treated. Therefore, if you desire acts of service as your primary love language at work, showing my appreciation to you in this way is how I will treat you instead of giving you quality time as my default.

Research cited in The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace notes that 75% of people predominantly speak the love language they want to receive. This is true of the assessment of love language outside of work for romantic relationships and kids and teens as well.

And it makes sense that we do this, because it takes less energy to give what comes naturally to us, and what comes naturally to us is what we want and need ourselves.

The best leaders and colleagues (and spouses and parents) however, take the time and energy to know people well and customize their behavior towards what others need or what the situation best requires. This is called self-monitoring. Some people call it emotional intelligence. Others simply call it exhausting.

And it is exhausting. But what often wears us thin, wears us less thin the more we do it. And the more we do it, the more people feel appreciated, and the less they crave it if they are getting it regularly enough. They become less needy and we become less exhausted. And they give more back to us and others when they are less needy too.

So the next time you get frustrated with someone acting like they are unappreciated at work or simply acting in a way that is so foreign or different than you would ever behave and they are wearing you out, take the time to reflect on what makes them tick.

And if you’re frustrated no one is taking the time to appreciate you, reflect on why that is as well. You’d do well to notice how others are trying to appreciate you and realize that is probably how they want to be appreciated themselves.

Having a discussion about what kind of “love” we all want and need, and recognizing we are all are different I think was the intent of the person who spoke of the need for the golden rule, to begin with. Simply follow the example of meeting people where they are with what they need.

How do you best show people appreciation at work?

February 25, 2020
What Does Your Resume Say About You?
As I was proofreading my son’s book report last night, I thought about how written communication is a window into our personality. My son had a few misspelled words and a word or two that was missing a letter altogether. It wasn’t the neatest either. He’s 13 and always does things in a hurry, just like his dad. This is evident in his book report and most areas of his life, including his messy room.

On that note, I thought about resumes and how they also provide a glimpse into who we are. I facilitate an online career development class and review resume assignments on a weekly basis. I also do some contract career coaching and resume writing on the side. Often, I also receive resumes from colleagues asking me to pass them along. It amazes me the difference from one resume to the next and not just the content. Some resumes are flashy (too much) and others need a little extra formatting to stand out.

Stellar written communication can have an impact on your career opportunities. Here are a few musts when it comes to doing just that when preparing your resume:
- Avoid misspelled words! Utilize spell check and have at least one person proofread before you send or upload your resume.
- Use the correct verb tense. Current job responsibilities should be represented in the present tense. All previous job responsibilities should be in the past tense.
- Make sure formatting is neat and allow for plenty of white space to make your resume more aesthetically pleasing.
- Only include the most relevant information. Resumes should be no more than one page if you have less than five years of experience, and they should be no more than two pages if you have more than five years of experience. There are some exceptions to this rule depending on your career field.
Check out The Point Blog for more insight into effective communication.
February 20, 2020
How to Serve at Work (and at Home)
The sink is piled high with dishes. The trash is overflowing. Laundry hasn’t been done in days. The baby is crying, and the third grader needs help with homework.

And my husband is playing Xbox.

I don’t want to have to ask for help, I want him to notice I need help and do it.

My urge for him to read my mind and miraculously unload the dishes and clean out the sink without me having to ask is temporarily outweighed by how bad the dishes piled up are bothering me.

“Could you empty the dishwasher and reload it, please?” I ask.

“In a little bit.” he says.

But it’s bothering me so bad, I do it myself. I want it done NOW, not in a “little bit” whatever that means, which could be next year as far as I’m concerned.

And I seethe in resentment. Can he not SEE clearly that I need help? I don’t want to have to ask. I want him to want to serve me and our household by just doing what needs to be done.

Acts of Service is not my primary love language (quality time is), but it is my second. Short of spending quality time with me, I want you to help me. I think this may have something to do with the phase of life I find myself in when demands of home and work are intense all at once.

My husband has no need for acts of service as a love language. He wants to do things his own way on his own time, so he rarely recognizes the need for acts of service. Hence him also wanting to do the dishes “in a little bit.”

But this example points to the fact that there are good and bad ways to serve others. And “bad” ways are actually worse than not serving at all.

First, people who don’t value acts of service don’t want you to “help” them. They want you to let them do it themselves. So, there’s that. Resist the urge to serve when offering a “How can I help you?” leads them to think you think they are incompetent or incapable. Or when they have such a need for control in how things get done, they want to do it themselves.

For those that do want acts of service, The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace suggests asking the following questions:
1. What would be helpful to you? In my example, the dishwasher unloaded and the sink cleaned out and a reloaded dishwasher, please. Then you can tackle third-grade homework, thank you.
2. How would you like the task(s) done? Lord help me if my husband doesn’t know how to load and unload the dishwasher. He does, and my issue isn’t so much how I want it done (although in other cases that might really matter) it is when I want it done….
3. When would be the best time to help? NOW please, just now.
As the book states, “When we demonstrate that we are willing to help our colleagues in the ways most beneficial to them, rather than what is convenient for us, we communicate that we value and respect them (and how they do things).”

I have a colleague whose primary love language is acts of service. She is constantly serving others at home and at work, so my guess is this is what she values because 75% of people predominantly speak the love language they want to receive.

I think I’ve often neglected to serve her by asking these questions because she is so quick to do it before me. For example, we all work remotely, so we don’t have a common place where we meet or keep office items. Therefore, it is not uncommon for us to need to get physical items to each other, such as documents that need to be signed, tools for training, or something to take to a client. She is always first to offer to bring it to me. Whether it is convenient for her or not.

I need to do better in serving her by asking, “When and where would be helpful for you for us to exchange these items?” and go get them from her when and where it is best for her, not for me.

By paying attention to how people want to be served through how they serve others, and by doing it their way, not ours, we demonstrate that we know how to appreciate others that value acts of service.

How can people best serve you at home and at the office?

Disclaimer: I kinda threw my husband under the bus in this story. This is a true story, but the bigger truth is that nine times out of ten he is super helpful and servant oriented. I’ve seen marriages unravel because of controlling wives (or husbands) who want all things done their way, on their time, and as my husband says, expects their spouse to always be able to read their minds. When they don’t read their mind, they then stew in resentment for days or weeks. This isn’t the extreme I’m pointing to either. We’d be best at home and at work to look for ways to serve each other realizing that part of that service is doing things how and when the person we are trying to serve wants it done. But sometimes, serving also means realizing that giving someone a minute to play Xbox (or whatever mindless activity they need at the moment) when they’ve had a long day at work is an act of service too.
February 11, 2020
4 Ways to Apply Quality Time at Work
“Would you rather me 1) give you a high five or 2) work on a puzzle with you?” I asked my five and nine-year-old over the holiday break.

It was one set of about twenty force choice questions from the Five Love Languages for Kids quiz I was giving them in order to explore how my husband and I can continue to be mindful of how we can best customize our parenting to each child.

Both easily answered, “Work on a puzzle with you.”

The Love Languages quiz started in romantic relationships and describes five primary love languages:
1. Physical Touch
2. Receiving Gifts
3. Words of Affirmation
4. Quality Time
5. Acts of Service
It helps us to build self-awareness of how we like to give and receive love.

We continued through the questions and discovered that both our children’s primary love language is quality time.

My husband stumbled into the quiz with the kids, so he and I also both took the couple’s quiz. Turns out, both of our primary love languages is also quality time.

So being mindful of this, we have started family night on Friday evenings which consists of making homemade pizza or some other simple meal together, eating, and either playing a game or watching a movie together. We are trying to be mindful of how to give and receive love in a way that is meaningful, and we are fortunate that we all have the same primary love language.

Turns out love languages are also applicable in the workplace. The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace and the corresponding Motivating by Appreciation (MBA) Inventory assessment help colleagues better understand how to customize appreciation towards others in order to build successful and empowering relationships at work.

Quality time may be your language of appreciation, but at work, it doesn’t have to be expressed through pizza and game night, and that isn’t actually how most people at work want or need it to be expressed.

From the book, “Our research indicates…. The employee simply wants to feel that what they are doing is significant and that their supervisor values their contribution. Taking a few minutes to check-in and hear how things are going communicates genuine expression of interest in what they are doing and makes them feel valued.”

So if you are a supervisor or colleague is someone who values quality time, how do you express this at work? Here are four ways to express quality time, grounded in realizing that by giving away time, you are giving away your most precious resource. And your time is not about proximity to someone but about personal attention.

1. Focused attention: On our first family game night, I started cleaning up the kitchen about ten minutes into the game while my husband was resisting the urge to look at his phone. This new “tradition” wasn’t going to be successful if we didn’t focus all of our attention on it, and our kids quickly reminded us of this. “Mom, it’s your turn. Why are you cleaning up now?” they asked.

If we want to be good at giving quality time, we have to focus our attention on specifically that. Stop multitasking, give undivided attention, and listen to give away true quality time.

2. Quality conversation: The book states that this is “dialogue in which two individuals are sharing their thoughts, feelings and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context.” This is why and where regular one-on-ones with those you manage are so important. And this means your one-on-ones have to comply with number one above- focused attention. Your phone, email, etc. should be put up during quality conversations.

Quality conversation requires empathetic listening by maintaining eye contact, resisting the urge to interrupt, listening for feelings and thoughts, observing body language and affirming feelings even if you disagree with their conclusions.

It also requires asking good questions. Even though we don’t have a game or movie night every day of the week with our kids, we do try to sit down as a family for dinner most nights of the week. Quality conversation is started by everyone having to answer three questions: 1) What was your high of the day? 2) What was your low of the day? and 3) What is your hope for tomorrow? This has led to meaningful dialogue and a better understanding of each other.

3. Shared Experiences: Connecting inside and outside of work through shared experiences is an important way to express quality time. Research by the authors of the book indicates that “men whose primary appreciation language is quality time often prefer to share experiences as opposed to sit-down conversations.” A round of golf anyone?

We have quarterly planning meetings as a team at Horizon Point, which usually involves a full day of sitting around a table focusing attention and engaging in quality conversation to plan for the next three months. I decided to begin 2020 by adding the element of the shared experience to this. We took the first part of our meeting where we shared our 2019 accomplishments and brainstormed on goals for a walk on the Wheeler Wildlife Refuge. The Sandhill Cranes are out in full force this time of year, and it was great to get outside with everyone and experience something together.

4. Working collegially with coworkers on a task and small group dialogue. “Research shows that millennials and even Gen-Xers highly value working collaboratively with others,” states the book. Working in groups is a way to engage learning and small group dialogue along with it helps to generate ideas and suggestions in a way that may help people feel less intimidated than by sharing one-on-one thoughts with their supervisor.

The key to applying love languages of appreciation at work is to make it personal. By tuning in to what people need and giving them that- as opposed to what we need or what is easiest to give or what we can give in one blanketed way to everyone all at once- is the best way to show appreciation and motivate towards positive results.

How do you want to be appreciated at work?
January 28, 2020