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I often glance at what people take note of when they are a part of one of our training sessions. Not the notes or handout questions we make them fill in, but the notes where they turn over to a blank handout page or pull out their own notebook and jot things down. The notes people take because they want to make sure they remember something.
The times when people say, “Can you go back to that slide for a minute please?” And then they start furiously writing.
We also get feedback from all participants at the end of each session in order to see how the training will affect their behaviors at work going forward. What will they do differently we ask? What will they use?
After gathering this feedback and paying attention to what people take note of, I think this slide is the most meaningful slide in all of our trainings:
I think this slide is even more meaningful given our current situation with the COVID-19 crisis. I’ll be covering this slide as well as others and the tools that go along with it in a webinar: Leading in Crisis hosted by our friends at the Huntsville Madison County Chamber tomorrow, Wednesday, May 6th from 9 am- 11 am.
Click here to register. Click here to download the handout for the webinar. It has tools that go along with this information.
I hope you can join us as we learn more about leading in crisis, especially through employing the bright spot philosophy and the accomplishment list.
What do you to help you lead in crisis? What has been the best training takeaway you’ve experienced?
One of the first things we teach in our personal leadership course is the concept of DWYSYWD- Do What You Say You Will Do. It involves committing to what you can do, or as Covey would put it, committing to your circle of influence and focusing on being accountable with what you can do instead of worrying about things that you cannot do something about. For example, I cannot do anything about whether or not a stay at home order is extended or relaxed this week in my state, but I can wash my hands, not touch my face, and wear a mask when appropriate to help stop the spread of the virus.
As Covey states, this then allows us to be better leaders by helping our circle of influence grow. If my kids watch me wash my hands regularly, then maybe they will too. If we can’t influence our own behavior, then how can we expect to influence the behavior of others?
During times of uncertainty like we are in now, it is easy to de-commit to anything and to not hold ourselves and others accountable.
I’m thankful for the staff at my son’s school for creating routines in their work and for guidance counselors like Jan Mendenhall who send out notes of encouragement, linking the current situation to leadership lessons for my children. This helps them (and me) stay committed during uncertain times.
Here’s her note to the students from last week. I hope it brings you the perspective and motivation to DWYSYWD this week to better lead yourself and others. And to hit the reset button if you need to.
Wednesday, April 22, 20/20
Week 3 of Virtual Leon
Do you all remember way, way, way back in August when we were actually all in the school building together and were able to have conversations in person? We talked about goals and accountability, which means we should do what we say we’re going to do. I’ll be honest with you all: Last week I did better with my attitude, and it helped to daily write down three positive things. I tried to complete my daily to-do list, but I was beyond pathetic with my physical fitness goals. I didn’t do what I said I was going to do. Guess what? I hit the reset button Monday and have been much better about walking, exercising, and riding my bike – even when I’d rather lounge around, play Spider Solitaire, and eat donuts! What do you need to do better on? Be accountable to yourself, and ask someone at your house to hold you to it. One of my favorite authors is coming out with a new book next week, and that – not a donut! – is going to be my reward IF I DO WHAT I SAID I WAS GOING TO DO! Stay tuned for next week’s email because there may be a really cool prize involved! Until then, take care. Wash your hands. Be safe. Be well. Choose kind. Love you!
What is one thing this week you can do to follow through on DWYSYWD?
Feel like you’re on a rollercoaster of emotions these days? Yep, me too.
When we are living out a well-ordered life full of routines, adjusting to a life that has no or new routines can be a challenge. And living on top of our family members day in and day out with little to no break isn’t a walk in the park either. The newness of it can bring some enjoyment and much needed time to just be, then the next minute the newness can make you totally want to lose your ever-loving mind.
For example, one day last week, I was riding a high, sitting in a comfy chair with a lovely view, reading a book while the baby napped on my chest and my older kids were playing outside. The unique situation of having nowhere to be and the opportunity to read a book in the middle of a random Thursday was ideal. Five minutes later, my kids come running in screaming because one has dumped water all over the other one. They’d had just a little too much togetherness. I get onto the one that has been mean, and he smarts his mouth off to me, and I totally lose it. A transition from sheer joy to sheer anger all in about sixty seconds.
And work is no different from home when it comes to the see-saw of highs and lows. One minute I’m excited that our PPP loan is funded. Not five minutes later I’m dealing with the emotions from a long-time client wanting to cancel their contract with us due to the current situation.
My example pales in comparison to the highs and lows that front line healthcare and other works are dealing with. The emotion of seeing a patient go home after four weeks on a ventilator to then go back into the ICU and lose a patient to the virus all in the same day is the real rollercoaster of these times.
So how do we navigate the rollercoaster of emotions at home and at work? And as leaders, how do we help others do the same? I think a video of my kids riding down a hill on their bikes for the first time is a metaphor for how we survive this all:
1. Recognize and acknowledge the emotions you are feeling. Name them and help others do the same. As you can see in the video, the cream of our cookie, our middle child, takes off down the hill with no fear. As her older brother waits his turn at the top he says, “I’m scared of that hill.” As crazy as it sounds, him just verbalizing this (which is hard for him to do) I believe was the step he needed to actually push off and go.
I am scared, I am angry, I am happy. I am all of these things at once. Asking people around you about how they are feeling and allowing them to verbalize their emotions to you can be the best leadership step in helping them tackle the hill. Being vulnerable enough to express the emotions you yourself are feeling to others also sets a strong example and helps you work through being able to push off and go do the next right thing.
2. Peddle fast to capitalize on the momentum of the hill. I don’t know about you, but when I was young and would ride up and down hills, I’d coast down and enjoy the ride. Thinking consciously or not I’d conserve my energy; I’d take a break from peddling. Which made it all the harder to get up the other side.
As you can see, my two take the exact opposite approach. They are peddling their hearts out down the hill. When things look easy, or when emotions are positive and exhilarating, it’s time to peddle faster to prepare you for when things get hard.
If you’re on the high side of the rollercoaster, write a positive note of encouragement to someone, do something you truly enjoy, write down what you’re grateful for, celebrate. This will help provide the momentum needed to get up steep climbs of negative emotions and difficult situations that will come your way.
3. Recognize that we all deal with different situations and different points of the rollercoaster differently; don’t judge or condemn others or yourself for this. The middle child had no fear getting started down the hill but listen to her scream as her brother is headed down the hill. She’s screaming (and you’ll be able to see her if you look) because she was about halfway up the other side of the hill when she fell on her bike because she didn’t have the stamina to get up the other side. No fear going down, all screams going up. Her brother was the opposite. He was scared to go down but had the stamina to make it up the other side.
For too many reasons to count (both nature and nurture related) people deal with the exact same situations differently. And from one day to the next a single person may react totally differently to the same thing on a Tuesday than they did on a Sunday. Don’t be surprised by this and help people where they lack the courage to go down the hill or the stamina to get back up the other side. Help yourself too by not beating yourself up when this happens.
After about a week of tackling the hill, our middle gained the stamina to get all the way up on the other side. She did because we offered her grace when she couldn’t at first by carrying her bike up to the top for her, then teaching her strategies to keep her momentum going, then offering her big words of encouragement as she was in the midst of getting to the top on her own.
Tackling the peaks and valleys of the current situation with grace is the best we can ask of ourselves and of others. When we acknowledge our emotions and those of others and help each other through the ups and downs, we walk away a little stronger, with a little more stamina to tackle the next set of peaks and valleys that will certainly come our way.
What makes giving and receiving appreciation at work so hard? Often, it is the simple fact that we’ve been conditioned to follow the golden rule instead of the platinum one.
The golden rule says to do unto others as you would have them do unto you. So in context, if my language of appreciation is quality time, then the way I live the golden rule is to give you quality time because it is what I desire.
By contrast, if I’m living the platinum rule at work, I’m doing unto you as you want to be treated, not as I want to be treated. Therefore, if you desire acts of service as your primary love language at work, showing my appreciation to you in this way is how I will treat you instead of giving you quality time as my default.
Research cited in The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplacenotes that 75% of people predominantly speak the love language they want to receive. This is true of the assessment of love language outside of work for romantic relationships and kids and teens as well.
And it makes sense that we do this, because it takes less energy to give what comes naturally to us, and what comes naturally to us is what we want and need ourselves.
The best leaders and colleagues (and spouses and parents) however, take the time and energy to know people well and customize their behavior towards what others need or what the situation best requires. This is called self-monitoring. Some people call it emotional intelligence. Others simply call it exhausting.
And it is exhausting. But what often wears us thin, wears us less thin the more we do it. And the more we do it, the more people feel appreciated, and the less they crave it if they are getting it regularly enough. They become less needy and we become less exhausted. And they give more back to us and others when they are less needy too.
So the next time you get frustrated with someone acting like they are unappreciated at work or simply acting in a way that is so foreign or different than you would ever behave and they are wearing you out, take the time to reflect on what makes them tick.
And if you’re frustrated no one is taking the time to appreciate you, reflect on why that is as well. You’d do well to notice how others are trying to appreciate you and realize that is probably how they want to be appreciated themselves.
Having a discussion about what kind of “love” we all want and need, and recognizing we are all are different I think was the intent of the person who spoke of the need for the golden rule, to begin with. Simply follow the example of meeting people where they are with what they need.
As I was proofreading my son’s book report last night, I thought about how written communication is a window into our personality. My son had a few misspelled words and a word or two that was missing a letter altogether. It wasn’t the neatest either. He’s 13 and always does things in a hurry, just like his dad. This is evident in his book report and most areas of his life, including his messy room.
On that note, I thought about resumes and how they also provide a glimpse into who we are. I facilitate an online career development class and review resume assignments on a weekly basis. I also do some contract career coaching and resume writing on the side. Often, I also receive resumes from colleagues asking me to pass them along. It amazes me the difference from one resume to the next and not just the content. Some resumes are flashy (too much) and others need a little extra formatting to stand out.
Stellar written communication can have an impact on your career opportunities. Here are a few musts when it comes to doing just that when preparing your resume:
Avoid misspelled words! Utilize spell check and have at least one person proofread before you send or upload your resume.
Use the correct verb tense. Current job responsibilities should be represented in the present tense. All previous job responsibilities should be in the past tense.
Make sure formatting is neat and allow for plenty of white space to make your resume more aesthetically pleasing.
Only include the most relevant information. Resumes should be no more than one page if you have less than five years of experience, and they should be no more than two pages if you have more than five years of experience. There are some exceptions to this rule depending on your career field.
Check out The Point Blog for more insight into effective communication.
