Author: Mary Ila Ward

Leaders often have opinions and usually want them heard.  They have also earned the right, so to speak, to be heard.  But recently, in facilitating a management meeting for a company, I came to the keen awareness that no matter who you are, saying too much is like saying nothing at all.

You see, there was one person in the group that monopolized most of the conversation.   At first, he had a captive audience, but by the end of the meeting people weren’t even listening to what he had to say, some even were rolling their eyes when he went to open his mouth, but on he went.

If you want to be heard, here are some tips:

1. Establish Talking Self-Awareness: In a meeting, count how many times you speak as compared to others (the collective whole of the group).  Just doing so will probably help you not talk as much as you might be prone to do.

2. Establish a Listening to Talking Ratio:  You want to be listening at least twice as much are you are talking, so 2:1, would be your listenting:talking ratio, bare minimum.  Interestingly enough, that’s everyone’s ratio of ears:mouth.   Now, if there are ten people in the room, that number needs to be a multiplier effect to your ratio.  Ratio begin 10:1.

There may be some exceptions to this.  If you called the meeting or are responsible for facilitating, you may have leeway to lower your ratio.  But overall it’s a good goal to strive towards.

3. Ask good questions: Asking good questions while in a group can also help you establish the chance for others to want to listen you.  Asking questions implies to others that you want to hear what they have to say.

As Covey said, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”  When you do, people want to listen to you because you have gained their respect by listening to them.

4. Be selective in what you say:  Are you talking every time a thought comes to your mind, or are you talking only when you feel like you have something beneficial to the whole group that would further the purpose of the interaction? Ask yourself, is this furthering the cause of this meeting?  Would not saying this be doing a disservice to those that are here and/or the organization? When you only say what is essential to purpose, your words carry more weight.

What helped you temper your desire to talk more than you listen?

 

Personal Disclaimer:  I am working on taking my own advice on this.

 

Image Source:  http://hearinghealthmatters.org/betterhearingconsumer/2012/how-to-talk-to-people-with-hearing-loss-illustrated-version/

Welcome to the July 1st, 2013 edition of the Leadership Development Carnival!

We hope you enjoy these great posts from 32 of the best leadership bloggers from around the globe.

Dan McCarthy from Great Leadership presents How to Overcome the 3 Organizational Barriers to Leadership Development.  “Why is it that more organizations and executives don’t fully embrace the effective development of their leaders? It all comes down to 3 barriers: They either don’t understand why it’s important, how to do it, or they just won’t. This post reviews each barrier and provides tips for overcoming them.”

Dana Theus from InPower Women presents Activating the Hidden Face of Workforce Diversity. “Building a diverse workforce isn’t so hard given the growing numbers of minorities in the U.S. population, but grooming them into leadership is another matter entirely.”

Julie Winkle Giulioni from juliewinklegiulioni.com presents Team, Group or Train Wreck? “Despite the ubiquitous use of the term, not all groups are teams. Teams share some essential qualities that distinguish them from other collections of individuals…. and that are explored in this article.”

Jim Taggart from Changing Winds presents Creating Your Leadership Footprint through the Practice of LESS is MORE.

S. Chris Edmonds from Driving Results Through Culture presents The Leader’s Primary Job: Engaged Employees.  “The benefits of engaged employees are impressive and undeniable. This post looks at Gallup’s 2013 ‘State of the American Workplace’ data as well as global data on employee engagement. Edmonds places responsibility for boosting employee engagement squarely on the shoulders or organizational leaders.”

Lolly Daskal from lollydaskal.com presents Failure: The Competitive Advantage.  “Some of us may look at failure as us not being successful, life has taught us that Struggle, failure, pain, adversity—they are all our teachers. Failure gives us the competitive advantage, it opens the door unto everything we need to know.”

Randy Conley from Leading With Trust presents Are You a Thermometer or Thermostat Leader? “Randy Conley uses the metaphor of comparing thermometers and thermostats to examine how leaders can either be reactive to the dynamics occurring in their teams or proactively create the right environment for their teams to succeed.”

John Hunter from Curious Cat Management Improvement Blog presents Experience Teaches Nothing Without Theory. “Too often leaders are applying behaviors without understanding the theory (or without evidence showing that the practice based on the theory is effective – failing to practice evidence based management).”

Jesse Lyn Stoner from Jesse Lyn Stoner presents Focusing on the Future Sets Leaders Apart. “Jesse Lyn Stoner is hosting ‘The Value of Vision’ series for the next month. She has invited several leadership experts and thought-leaders to join her in exploring the role of vision in today’s complex, fast-paced world. Jim Kouzes and Barry Posner, authors of the groundbreaking bestseller ‘The Leadership Challenge’ kick off the series using their most recent research. The series will run for a month and will include 10 industry experts and thought-leaders such as Ken Blanchard, Whitney Johnson, and Doug Conant.”

Michael Folkmanfrom Four Groups’ Blog presents Rethinking the War for Talent.  “Despite advances in technology, selection methods and years of cumulative experience; organisations continue to struggle squaring the recruitment and talent puzzle. Arguably, with all the tools currently available to them, businesses are no better at recruiting than they were 20 years ago. Whilst new technologies and social media have widened the net, there is little evidence to suggest that decision making is improving or that organisations are better at understanding what makes a successful hire. Maybe it is time that we re-frame the talent question and look at recruitment decisions through a different set of filters?”

Chery Gegelman from Simply Understanding presents When you don’t know, what you don’t know. “What do you do when you don’t know something?  Or worse…   What if you are in the midst of change and don’t know what you don’t know?”

Frank Sonnenbergfrom Frank Sonnenberg Online presents Winging It Through Life.  “Winging it is a form of shooting craps. You gamble that, prepared or not, you’ll be able to handle whatever comes up in life –– seven or snake eyes.”

Bernd Geropp from More Leadership presents 3 Ways how employee motivation gets destroyed! “Lots of managers want to motivate their employees. I believe that is the wrong approach. You don’t need to motivate but you have to take care that you don’t de-motivate. I share 3 ways how employee’s motivation can be easily destroyed and how it can be avoided.”

Karin Hurt from letsgrowleaders.com presents Stupid Idea or Seeds of Brilliance?

Jennifer V. Miller of The People Equation encourages leaders to be cultivators of talent, not hoarders, in: 7 Signs You’re Hoarding Your Team’s Talent.

Mark Miller from Great Leaders Serve presents Today’s Challenge: Delegation Without Guilt.

Jon Mertz from Thin Difference presents Interview with Megan Emme, Social Leader. “Many exciting Millennial leaders are rising up. Megan Emme is a great example of a social leader, emanating the characteristics of Gen Y in an engaging way.”

Mark Behl from Leadership for Today’s Executive presents Manage Expectations or Manage Emotions. “As a leader, you must learn to manage expectations or be really good at managing emotions.  When we fail to manage people’s expectations, whether it is project timelines, budgets, or strategic initiatives, we are left managing their emotions.  Senior leaders that are upset, customers that are frustrated and angry, or key stakeholders that thought more progress was being made.  I have learned over the years that managing expectations will get you much further and help you build credibility as someone who is able to deliver on what they promised.”

Mary Faulkner from Surviving Leadership presents Everything Rustles (how fear drives your people). “Wonder why people are acting the fool in your organization?  It’s probably fear.  Learn how David Rock’s SCARF model can give you the framework to address the impact of fear in your organization.”

Lisa Kohnfrom The Thoughtful LeadersÔ Blog presents Soft skills have hard-core results. “In today’s fast-paced work environment, soft skills are anything but.  They are the keys to effective leadership and they aren’t easy.  Follow these simple steps to enhance your ‘soft skills’ and get the results you desire.  Take the time to focus on your behaviors and interactions with others – and reap the benefits.”

Miki Saxon from MAPping Company Success presents Management is Like Coffee. “Just as there is an optimum amount of coffee that provides positive benefits there is an optimum amount of management that yields the best results; this is true no matter how high the quality of the coffee or excellent the management/coaching.”

Chris Young from Human Capital Strategy Blog presents 7 Things I Wish I Had Known When I Founded This Company.

Mike Henry Sr.from Lead Change Group presents 6 Forces Resisting Change “Have you considered what situations or temptations you face when you consider a better future? What forces work against change and for the Status Quo?  What causes you to be tempted to choose something less than the best for you or your organization? Identify and face those challenges and push through to make a positive difference.”

Neal Burgis, Ph.D. from Practical Solutions presents Leaders Bouncing Back from a Fall “How leaders bounce back after a fall from grace? We are all immune to setbacks and falls. It is how well you manage your reputation and responding well to it that makes a big difference.”

Wally Bock from Three Star Leadership presents Ideas that will not die. “Just like those creatures in horror movies, there are ideas that just will not die and keep on wreaking havoc.”

Susan Mazzafrom Random Acts of Leadership presents 3 Ways Anyone Can Boost Team Performance. “You may think company culture can only really be affected (for better or for worse) by the CEO of an organization. But regardless of your level in an organization you have the power to impact the culture for the better.”

Joel Garfinkle from Career Advancement Blog presents 5 Tips for Promoting From Within. “When you realize what it’s costing the company not to promote from within, you’ll want to implement the five action steps for creating a new promotion policy.”

Bill Matthies from Business Wisdom presents Knowing when not to change to “normal”! “Change is inevitable, constant, but not everything needs to change all the time. Great leaders manage change, both that they wish to happen as well as that they don’t, and knowing the difference is what makes them great. Watch and listen to what Faith Jegede learned about that from her Autistic brothers. Great leadership is everywhere.”

David Burkus from LDRLB presents How to Select a CEO for the Collaboration Economy (Written by Eric Lowitt).

Steve Roesler from All Things Workplace presents Who Are Your Conversation Catalysts? “What do you do when you need to get a message out to your organization or your customers, and want to do it as quickly and effectively as possible? Here is a quick read with action tips you can use today.”

Anne Perschel from Germane Insights presents Molding Culture Change: Get Their Fingerprints on it which provides “Four tips for getting employees onboard and implementing culture change.”

Dianne Stetzer with Talent Management Intelligence presents The Innovation Paradox by Ellie Hall.  “Want to drive a culture of innovation in your organization? That strategy starts at the top of your organization. Learn more about the conflicts that your CEO and senior team will face in implementing your innovation imperative.”