Author: Mary Ila Ward

We have a bedtime ritual with our four year old:

1. Brush teeth
2. Practice letters/numbers
3. Read a book
4. Say one thing we are thankful for from that day
5. Prayer

Although all of them are important for various reasons, number 4 seems to be the one that never gets left out. Sometimes we are all tired and don’t want to practice letters or numbers or read a book. Sometimes we even forget to brush our teeth (maybe that goes back to being too tired) and even pray, but regardless of where we are, what time it is, or how long of a day it has been, our 4 year old will not let anyone go to bed without us all answering the question “What are you thankful for?”

This ritual started out one November, when giving thanks was on the brain and we had a Thanksgiving countdown calendar hung in his room where we decided to fill out a thankfulness card every day.   The concept stuck.   And although the answer to the question “What are you thankful for?” vary, we’ve seen from the lense of a pre-schooler that expressing thankfulness or gratitude is just about the best way to end a day.

I wonder how often leaders stop and think, “What am I thankful for today?” Taking the concept a step further, how many leaders express that gratitude to others? We often find that our thankfulness list isn’t made up of things or events (although our little one does throw in a thankfulness plug to his new Paw Patrol toy or his trip to the ice cream store every once in a while), it is usually people or something a person did.

As a personal leadership habit, I’d like to challenge us all to do two simple things everyday:

1. Identify one thing/person/event you are thankful for
2. If a person is tied to what you are thankful for, tell them that day that you are grateful for them and why and consider how you might uniquely express your gratitude based on what holds value to them.

Just like any good behavior, if we do it often enough to make it a habit, it ends up rubbing off on others. You can’t make members of your team or those you lead establish an attitude of gratitude, but you can do it yourself. And when you establish this personal leadership habit, I’d venture to guess others around you will start doing it too.

Our four year old won’t let my husband and I go to bed without ending the day by saying what we’re thankful for and it is all because he won’t let himself go to bed either without expressing his gratitude too.

What are you thankful for today?

A friend shared with me the struggles she is having with her pre-schooler’s behavior. Been there, done that. The good thing is, there always seems to be a leadership lesson in the raising of children. In fact, I’ve even written about the leadership lessons learned from our then two year old’s biting bent.

My friend said she is dealing with some pretty intense temper tantrums, talking back, lashing out, and yes, she even is throwing things.

After asking my friend about why the issues seem to be arising, and they seem to be happening at school more and more often, I came to the conclusion that the child may just be plain bored. She’s bright, very bright in fact, and I think ahead of her peers in her class. She’s getting into mischief because mischief isn’t boring. It gives her something to do, and in fact, sometimes mischief can be more of a stimulation and challenge than many other things, even if results in negative attention. She is still getting some attention at least.

As I was thinking through how we should and could mold our behavior to help our misbehaving kids, I read an excerpt from The Leadership Challenge that sparked my attention:

“Consider what people report when we ask them to think about the worst leader they have ever worked for and then to write down a number representing the percentage of their talents that this leader utilized. Our research results (displayed in Figure 12.1 ) show that people report that their worst leaders generally use only about a third of their available energy and talents. Those few who reported a higher percentage than the average, when referring to their worst leader, clearly noted and voiced their resentment about how they had to do so much more than was really necessary because of their boss’s ineptitude.

This percentage is in sharp contrast to what people report when they think about their most admired leader. For these folks, the bottom of the range is typically higher than the top of the range for the former group. Many people indicate over 100 percent, and the average is around 95 percent. Bottom line: the best leaders elicit nearly three times the amount of energy, drive, commitment, and productivity from their constituents compared to their counterparts at the other end of the spectrum.”

When we engage others- kids and adults- in something that excites them and occupies their time in a way that is meaningful and productive, we get better results. Challenge is a good thing.

Parenting is hard, and leadership is too. I in no way want to imply that the best way to lead adults is to treat them like children, but I am saying the best way to lead all people is through some basic principles of humans, regardless of the age.

Want to keep bad behavior from entering your workplace? You can start with making sure that challenge is present which will produce an environment where boredom has no place to enter. Engage people in challenging work and a lot will take care of itself.

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