Category: General

Our third child came into the world just perfect, then he stopped breathing and turned blue when he tried to nurse.  After two scary attempts at feeding, the pediatrician on call came in and told us he thought he had a tracheoesophageal fistula.  In laymen’s terms, I came to understand this as a hole between the esophagus and the trachea causing fluid to pass between these two “tubes” when it isn’t supposed to.   This would require surgery to correct, thus requiring a transfer to the NICU.  

Scary to say the least, but after getting our new blessing to the NICU, they were able to get a small enough tube down him.  This allowed them to suction a large amount of fluid out of his stomach. The fluid was the problem that kept him from eating, not a hole.   We were relieved but had to stay in the NICU for a bit to get him off an IV and make sure he could eat and gain weight on his own. 

That is when the lactation consultants descended on me.  One had already come in right after he was born and was phoning me regularly to check to see if the pumping and feeding was going well and to assess I think, my commitment to nursing.  They wanted to check in and watch at every feeding, make suggestions on how to do it, and then after we were released from the hospital they called and called and called to check-in. 

I nursed my first two children with success.  I had been there done that, knew the tricks of the trade and although nursing isn’t right or best for everyone, in our case it was right for me and the baby. I told each consultant that barring any major complications, I was committed to doing it until his first birthday.

I had a high level of skill through experience and a high level of will, or commitment to the task at hand.   

But they kept calling.  It about drove me crazy. 

I know they meant well and most likely had derived some schedule that they thought was best to check in on new mothers.  I bet their performance was also measured to a certain degree on their follow-through with these calls.  

But I had high will and high skill.  I needed to be left alone. If I wasn’t left alone, the risk is an erosion of the will or desire to do the exact opposite of what they want me to do.

The same is true in leading others who have a high level of skill and will in performing their job:  Get out of their way is the leadership style you need to utilize.  

Avoid the urge to help.   Don’t call them, they will call you if they need you. 

This came to the surface of my mind in resisting the urge to “help” someone who works with me on a presentation she was doing.  I was excited about the opportunity for her to present in this particular forum as was she. We have similar personalities that drive similar levels of internal motivation on similar tasks.  She likes to do what I like to do. We also both have experience presenting and are knowledgeable on the topic at hand. I wanted to “help” because I had a high level of skill and will with the assignment, but she did as well. 

So I sat back or sat on my hands metaphorically, resisting the urge to direct her.  She didn’t need direction. She did ask my thoughts on a couple of ideas for it but other than that, I just showed up the night she was speaking to watch. 

And she totally rocked it.  She did way better than I could have and way better than if I had tried to insert myself and my ideas into her preparation. 

So the key to leading when someone knows what they are doing and has a high desire to do it with excellence is to get out of their way. Don’t call them, they will call you.

Tuesdays from 4:00- 5:00 pm.  In the car. While our middle child is in gymnastics, I have found that this hour of concentrated time in a concentrated space leads to some productive homework time with my oldest.  While his newborn brother snoozes in his car seat, we tackle third-grade homework. And there is a lot of it. 

Take our list for Tuesday of this past week: 

-A math worksheet due Wednesday

-At least 10 minutes of multiplication facts practice that has to be signed off on each day by a parent for a grade

-Practice for a vocabulary test on Thursday (this is our greatest challenge usually)

-Practice for a spelling test on Friday

-Reading for a READO (think BINGO) assignment that requires reading five books in five different genres and passing an AR test (80 or above) to “READO” for the grading period

Where do you start?  

I used to dictate how this list played out.  Sometimes I opted to start with the hardest thing to conquer on the list, or maybe the most time consuming or maybe depending on my mood, I’d choose the opposite route- easiest, longest, etc.

But, now, I’m letting the eight-year-old decide what he wants to start with, and it seems to help his motivation. His motivation seems to come from a lowered stress level given the little bit of control I give him over conquering the homework. 

And he’s not alone.  Giving people control, or autonomy, in the workplace, also impacts stress and performance.  Take a listen to Your Brain at Work: How Do Humans Fit into the Future of Work?  Guest of the podcast, Lynda Gratton, a professor at the London School of Business says this:

“A lot of places aren’t healthy and that seems to be a real focus right now.  And actually one of the variables that seem to impact healthy workplaces is the level of autonomy that people have…..if people have control over when and where they work, that’s a really good thing.” 

She relates the correlation of healthy workplaces and autonomy by a lowered stress level when autonomy is present.  Dr. David Rock goes on in the podcast to cite two studies about the impact of autonomy. One in the workplace were allowing workers to make simple choices about their workspace led to increased productivity. And, interestingly enough, in a retirement home where simple choices about décor led to increased wellbeing as seen in a reduction of the death rate!

Third-grade homework isn’t life and death. For us though, it is often a source of stress.  By allowing the person under stress a level of autonomy as to how the work gets done leads to better productivity and wellbeing.  

It isn’t so much the order of how it gets done. The order in which he wants to get it done changes with his mood too. It’s the simple fact that he gets to choose the order that leads to better results. 

Maybe next we will move on to allowing him control over where the work gets done.  For now, though, the controlled environment of the car seems to work well. 

Where do you allow for autonomy in how work gets done? 

 

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Note: This is the second of a two-part post on the value of abiding in patience in order to achieve the best kind of learning. The previous post focuses on the value of this practice, whereas this post focuses on how to actually do it. 

As leaders, we are often called to help others learn.  To grow people in ways that lead to positive outcomes for themselves and for those they impact is our job. Leaders make more leaders. 

And this need to facilitate learning is sometimes hard to figure out how to do because we often have a hard time engaging in it ourselves.  This challenge is often exasperated by the need to check the box of learning. Get it done, now you’ve learned. Check. 

But learning, or continuous learning, that actually leads to the best of results isn’t a check the box kind of thing. It isn’t a one and done activity.  

Once the desire or realization of the need to learn is established, some seemingly counter-intuitive things help our learning and are more often fueled through abiding in a patient process: 

 

1. First, set right expectations. 

I found this question from In His Image telling of this necessity: “Think of the person that is most likely to try your patience. What wrong expectations might be contributing to your lack of patience with him or her?”

When we are trying to help ourselves or others learn, often our lack of patience sets us up for failure due to unrealistic expectations about the time and commitment needed in order to effectively learn.   

When leading yourself or others in learning, discuss the expectations of time and commitment around that learning before beginning.  Write these down and refer back to them throughout the learning process. 

If you’ve read the previous post connected to this one, for example when reading with my son we establish before we start how much we are going to read (usually a chapter). He then goes and looks at the table of contents in the book to see how many pages there are.  He knows we won’t get up until that chapter is completed, lessening his frustration with unknown and or unclear expectations.

 

2. Establish routine practice of something that is novel, or you aren’t good at.

Setting up a routine to do something that needs to be learned by doing something hard (you don’t know how to do or you aren’t good at doing) can aid in learning not only in your chosen arena but in others.   

In keeping with my running example, this leads to my son alternating between reading something that is on the level he is reading currently (or even something slightly easier) and reading something that is above his reading level.  The challenge frustrates him, but novel vocabulary helps him in the long run. In addition, he is also charged with writing about the story he reads and using words (even if he misspells them). Writing is not yet easy or routine for him but helps his learning. 

 

3. Do something that exercises another part of your brain different from where you are actually trying to learn. 

In general, the left side of the brain controls things that deal with logic and order.  Math and science processing, as well as language processing, take place on this side of the brain, but in different places within the left hemisphere. The right side of the brain controls things that have to do with creativity, emotion and artistic expression.  

Before or after doing an activity that taxes the left side of the brain, some research points to exercising the right side of the brain in some way in order to sensitize that learning, process any emotion that comes with it, and use it in a more holistic way. 

My son draws pictures a lot (we are currently on a kick of drawing houses) and he has started to label the picture with words to indicate things that are in the picture.  Like “roof”, “slide” (yes his houses have slides coming out of them), etc. I believe this helps him encode and use language learning. In addition, he rides his bike to and from his reading teachers house in the summer for reading lessons, and I think this act of movement helps him focus on his lessons better. 

 

4. Do “nothing”. 

I love this Winnie the Pooh quote: “Doing nothing often leads to the very best of something.”  

When we give our brain time to rest and reflect it leads to optimal synthesis of our learning.  

Getting enough sleep is a major part of this. Our brain forms neural connections while we sleep based on what we learned during the day so we can apply in other ways.  As our son’s neurologist explained to us in simple terms, if you learn the sounds in “cat” yesterday, your sleep helps you process that learning and today you wake up and are better able to connect that the same short “a” sound in cat is also the same in “bat”.  

If we don’t rest and reflect, we can’t maximize the benefits of learning efforts. 

 

How do you best maximize your learning? 

10 Quotes from Cy Wakeman at #SHRM19 on Ensuring Your Team is Ready for What’s Next

Our team attended the SHRM Annual Conference this year, and Cy Wakeman said 10 things that resonated with us. Read on for the Cy quotes, and follow along with The Point Blog for more insights from speakers and authors.

“Change isn’t as hard when we embrace it incrementally. One upgrade on your phone is easier than converting from a flip phone to the newest version.  Get people to a state of readiness.”

“A leader’s new role: Help employees eliminate emotional waste by facilitating good mental processes.”

“Not everything is a change initiative- most of it is just your daily job.”

“Unreadiness for change causes surprise, panic, and blame.”

“Change doesn’t hurt, resisting change is what hurts.  People don’t get hurt falling down, they hurt resisting the fall.”

“Your preference can’t trump the business case. Don’t favor preference over potential.”

“Stop trying to please everyone during change.”

“Standardize as much as you can in order to scale.”

“You’ve got work with the willing and activate them.”

“Too many people are asking to be empowered. But empowerment is really stepping into your own power.”

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” ― Howard Thurman

Watch this video from this week’s America’s Got Talent to see this quote in action. It will inspire you, I promise.